Devasted! :( Wife's fibroid tumor tested positive for cancer.

I still must be awful for a woman to lose her hair, it's what makes them feel feminine and beautiful.

You had chemo for 7 months! Did you lose your hair?

 

Ohhhh man Abner. ;( I was thinking about her hysterectomy and how it turned out, this is NOT the kind of news I wanted to hear from you guys!! Stay hopeful and wait for a second confirmation - let's pray for a false positive above all else. But if it's not, then for wise doctors and a full cure!!

 

Abner,

We'll have you and your wife in our prayers. Hang in there!
BTW, I'm not saying you should have any false hopes, but false positives do happen surprisingly often.

 

In my prayers.

 

update

Got back from doc appt. with my wife. The took out the cancerous fibroid tumor, but they still have to do four rounds of chemo because it is an aggresive cancer. They will do four rounds of chemo.

Thanks to all for your well wishes and prayers. Luckily, my wife is a fighter, and this will not beat her. It's good to know that cancer is no longer a death sentence. Her friend is a cancer survivor, and she has been cancer free for 11 years.

So, all I could do is pray for her and be there for her.

 

A-ha! So the world is not ending yet.

Anyway, Abner, don’t take everyone’s advice too literally. Cancer is a very individualized affair, whether we’re talking about prognosis, treatment, or diet. Eating lots of veggies may be sound advice for some people, but not necessarily when you’re in the midst of nausea and diarrhea. The best advice will come from your wife’s treatment professionals.

That said, there are two pieces of advice (my proverbial two cents) I’ll throw in. First, you should be able to find out whether she will experience hair loss based on the type of chemo she’ll be receiving. If it does involve hair loss, her worst moment will not be the nausea or diarrhea, but the first time she scratches her head and ends up with a clump of hair in her hand. One of the more “Oh, shit…” moments in life.

So here’s the advice: head to Wal-Mart and buy a hair clipper. They’re only about $14.95 and will save you tons of razors and shaving cream.

Yes, I went through this with my other half – my old high school girlfriend. We went our separate ways after school, then got back together some 30 years later and spent the last five years of her life together when she was a breast cancer survivor who had gone through two rounds of chemo. The first time around, we went through an entire pack of Good News razors and a can of Gilette Foamy. The second time around we learned our lesson and bought a barber clipper at Wal-Mart.

Side word: After you shave her head (and yes, you should be the one who does it), make sure she doesn’t put on a turtleneck. Seriously. After I shaved Robin’s hair off, she put on a turtleneck and I froze in stunned silence for a moment, biting my lip to keep from laughing. She said, “What??? What is it?” I responded by humming the theme from The Addams Family and snapping my fingers. She looked in the mirror and proclaimed, “Oh my god, I’m Uncle Fester!” (Cancer patients will understand this: When you have chemo, you’re given Prednisone, which causes bloating. You, too, can look like Uncle Fester! Avoid turtleneck sweaters.) Yes, cancer can have its absurdly funny moments.

Second bit of advice: The person you need to take care of the most is you. Your wife will have an amazingly good support network in the form of nurses and other treatment professionals (but especially the nurses), as well as other cancer survivors she meets at the chemo center. You won’t. So make sure you take some “me time” each day to keep your sanity. And if your wife hooks up with a support group, make sure it’s one that’s supportive and doesn’t spend all of its time wallowing. In short, Gilda Radner got it right.

Finally, realize that there are some things that we just don’t know. My other half was a five-year survivor. We had a few good years of remission before the cancer came back and spread, but in the end run we were, in fact, prepared for the end. On the other hand, I remember that Marnie Nixon recently died of breast cancer which had been diagnosed in 1980. Marnie was a musical legend, known for dubbing the singing voices of Deborah Kerr, Natalie Wood, and Audrey Hepburn in the film versions of The King and I, West Side Storry, and My Fair Lady. Her cancer came back after some 35 years of being in remission, but at least she had 35 great years in between. Cancer is a very individualized thing – when you’re hit with it, you address it and move on as best you can. So disregard both the nay-sayers and the false-hopers. Just do the best you can with what you’re given.

Oh, and if she does have hair loss, learn how to give a good head massage. She’ll love it. And so will you.
:drive:

 

Best to both of you. BTW, my mom's was also described as "aggressive" and she did both chemo and radiation, and as you know, she's been cancer free for 28 years. It's usually not a death sentence. Keep us posted, will continue praying.

 

I appreciate your answer. The doc already told her that her beautiful long hair will fall out. So, all we can do is start shopping around for wigs. And, I am going to make sure they are the highest quality human head hair wigs custom made (regardless of cost). She is not worried about her hair right now, she is worried about living. She is my crazy red haired Irish lassie, and she is ready to FIGHT! And so I am, I am a crazy red blooded Hispanic American, and I am ready to fight too. Luckily, we have insurance under a top rated medical provider, and they hire the world's best docs, so I know she is in good hands.

Vaya con dios doc, and I am sorry about your girlfriend, she is resting with the angels now.

 

Going from numb to scared shitless

Boy, the gravity of the situation is starting to sink in. Oh shit!!!!!! Ayude me dios mio. (Help me father!) When I went to my wife's appt, I saw a lady being brought in by a wheelchair and she looked half dead! They told me she had undergone chemo! Jeez! My God!

 

Hmmmmm . . . Sound like an older lady. Past that point, you can’t assume anything. She might have advanced or metastasized cancer, or she may have other conditions not related to the cancer at all.

When you actually go to a chemo treatment center, you’ll be surprised at how laid back they can be, and how diverse they are in terms of patient age. Also, you’ll find a lack of acute behavior on the part of patients when they’re getting chemo. That’s because, along with the chemo, they’re given medications to ensure they don’t experience pain or start puking at the treatment facility, They (including your wife) will be given drugs such as prednisone and benedryl to ensure that the chemo will be a comfortable experience when it’s being administered.

Another heads-up for you: Female cancer patients are often given medications to kill estrogen, which causes menopause symptoms, even though they may have already gone through menopause. One of the least discussed topics in our society is the effect that menopause has on guys when it comes to their wives’ symptoms. Just sayin’ . . . If it happens, that’s your time to be patient.

Again, cancer is a very individual affair. Just because you saw a patient who looked like death warmed over is insignificant in the long run is not statistically significant. You psyche up for the worst, hope for the best, and take what comes along.

One of the most fatal cancers historically was (note the past tense) pancreatic cancer. I knew a guy some 20 years ago who got it in his 30’s, and he was gone in a matter of weeks. Then Patrick Swayze got it and was around for a couple of years. Then Ruth Bader Ginsburg got it and she’s still doing her thing on the Supreme Court several years later.

Ditto ovarian cancer, another historically fatal condition. Gilda Radner lasted a year or two and had a short period of remission. Over the past year, actress Marin Mazie (who has headlined many Broadway shows) got it, treated it aggressively, and is now in major remission.

I shouldn’t have to tell anyone who’s halfway literate that when AIDS was discovered in 1981, it was an automatic death sentence – early victims were generally gone in a year or, at most, two. Today, there are many 20 and 30-year survivors.

Recommendation: At some point, read Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ On Death and Dying, a classic about the stages people go through when they have a terminal condition. It’s best to read before you’re in that type of situation, and you are currently not in that type of situation. But one day you are likely to be, whether it’s in one, ten, or forty years. When I did my doctorate, I studied a lot of medical ethics (and ended up teaching the subject as well) because I knew that one day I would have to make some tough decisions for my parents, my other half, and potentially myself. When they ultimately did pass on, I was comfortable with what was happening, and all three of them passed on having made their own decisions regarding treatment options.

In the meantime, keep in mind that your wife is not dying of cancer, she’s living with it. That’s why we speak of cancer survivors. When my dad got prostate cancer at the age of 70, his urologist said, “You’ll die with it, but not from it.” And that’s what happened – he did standard radiation (they did not yet have radioactive seeding when he got it), it went into full remission, he lived another 20 years and, when he died at just under 91 it was not due to cancer.

The most important thing is to be positive and not let the bullshit get to you. Here’s your homework assignment: Google the term “cancer jokes” – you’d be surprised at all of the good ones out there.
:drive:

 

Chemo was so hard on my mom, but again, she came out the other side and has been cancer free for 28 years. Hang on, praying for you both.

 

God bless her! Thanks FT!

 

My wife will undergo a CT to make sure the cancer has not spread in 8/17. Either way, she will undergo chemo. It will be a long road ahead. But, we are hopeful.

 

I'm hoping for the best Abner, just remember that cancer is no longer the automatic death sentence it used to be. Not even close!

More and more people are dying with cancer than from cancer these days.

 

Thanks Bruce! Kim is a fighter, so I know she will beat this. At least it is stage 1 as opposed to stage 4!

 

Thank God it was caught early, that sounds like relatively good news.

 

Yes, I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard that! Hopefully, months from now this will just be a bad memory. Hope is not lost!

 

Great news!