The Night Before Christmas

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussions' started by John Bear, Dec 24, 2001.

  1. John Bear

    John Bear Senior Member

    'Twas the night before Christmas,
    When all through the forum
    Not a creature was stirring,
    We couldn’t get a quorum.

    School wish lists were hung by the chimney with care,
    In hopes they’d be found to be good by John Bear.

    The fast degree seekers were snuggled in bed,
    Improbably having wild dreams of Tom Head,
    While Chip in his kerchief, George Brown in his cap,
    Were staying alert, trying hard not to nap.

    Then out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
    They rose from their desks to see what was the matter.
    And what to their wandering eyes should appear
    But a Flying Diploma Mill, pulled by reindeer.

    The little old driver had ethics from hell,
    So they knew in a moment it must be Les Snell.
    More rapid than eagles his colleagues they came,
    And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:

    Now Dasher, now Asher, now Pellar, LaSalle,
    Now Trinity, Earlscroft, and each evil pal,
    Now Harrington, Shelbourne, now Capitol, too,
    You’ll not make the lists of our friend Johnnie Liu.

    Down the chimney came Snell, with a terrible noise,
    And a stack of diplomas for bad girls and boys.
    The diploma mill sleuths poured like rain from the faucet:
    There’s Levicoff, Kirstin, and good old Bill Gossett,

    Tom Nixon, Rich Douglas, and Bruce Tait go forth,
    With Brunton, Contreras, Potgieter, and North,
    And Frangop, Nicole, Messrs. Gerstl and Wetsch,
    Riding up in pursuit of that miserable wretch.

    Bills Highsmith and Dayson and Huffman, there we go,
    And there’s Russell Morris, and his altar ego,
    And Sunnie and Ike, Caballero LaCaye,
    And others pursuing Snell’s terrible sleigh.

    Snell spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
    Putting time bombs in stockings, then turned like a jerk,
    And giving the finger, and thumbing his nose,
    He cackled, and then up the chimney he rose.

    The cops had been called, and they sent him to jail,
    Where he dreamed Maxine Asher would show up with bail,
    And the ‘good guys” exclaimed, all these excellent cronies,
    “A non-wonderful Christmas to all of the phonies.”
  2. Nicole-HUX

    Nicole-HUX New Member

    I am so glad I didn't see this before I left work. My co-workers had a hard enough time getting me up off the floor after Tom Head's Christmas card. {g}

    ...and to all a good night.
  3. Rich Douglas

    Rich Douglas Well-Known Member

    LOL. Happy Holidays, all.

    Rich Douglas
  4. Bruce

    Bruce Moderator Staff Member

    Excellent John! Here's hoping everyone's Christmas is peaceful and safe, and you all get what you asked Santa to leave under the tree.

  5. Bill Highsmith

    Bill Highsmith New Member

    .: [​IMG]:::::.
    .:::'''' [​IMG]:.
    [​IMG]:_ _:::
    @ `'//\\'` @
    @ # // \\ #
    |=_- .-/\ /\ /\ /\--. =_-|
    |-_= | \ \\ \\ \\B\ |-_=-|
    |_=-=| / // // //e/ |_=-_|
    |=_- |`-'`-'`-'/a/ |=_=-|
    | =_-| o /r/ o |_==_|
    |=_- | ! '-' ! |=-_=|
    _|-,-=| ! ). ! |-_-=|
    >>>>| ( ~~~ )/ (((((((())
    """`------' `w---w` `--
  6. Bill Highsmith

    Bill Highsmith New Member

  7. Guest

    Guest Guest

    Wow, John, while most lines in your composition contain 2, 3 & even 4 names, I get a whole line to myself.

    BTW, the DL Scholar bit was a joke. [​IMG]

    Have a blessed Christmas!

  8. Bill Huffman

    Bill Huffman Well-Known Member

    The gift of laughter, it was a most excellent Christmas present. I thank you.
  9. irat

    irat New Member

    I was online Christmas Eve too!
    Don't you remember "noteven" the was not stirring. But when Santa turned, it was with "a jerk". lol [​IMG]
    Remember this is just the first day of Xmas, 11 more to go. Today the "wiseguys" are still on the road (up camel, on camel) they won't arrive until 01/06.
    All the best!
  10. John Bear

    John Bear Senior Member

    irat wrote, Don't you remember "noteven" the was not stirring. But when Santa turned, it was with "a jerk"

    As long as we're deconstructing, I remember being confused, as a child,by theact of going to the window and throwing up..."

    And in the matter of reconstructing, changing Bill Highsmith's illustration into a readable form was only a matter of changing the font to a non-proportional one. And then my grandson and I had a fine time looking at various ASCII art sites (following a google search for ASCII art), and now he is busily trying to create an ASCII picture of a Power Puff Girl as a gift for his sister.
  11. Leslie

    Leslie New Member

    Happy holidays and a wonderful New Year to all [​IMG] I am so glad I found this site and thanks to all for some very good info, insight and advice over the past few months.

    [aka Sunnie]
  12. How wonderful!

    I've been fighting cable modem problems -- am glad I've managed to (at least temporarily) vanquish them to find this!

    A belated happy holidays to all. (Can't stay to say much more; I'm off to make the traditional Chex mix and red jello with cherries for family arriving this weekend. Nephews will be so disappointed to find out Iowa is nearly snowless so far.)

    Kristin Evenson Hirst
  13. irat

    irat New Member

    Happy 3rd day of Christmas. If elected I would promise a french hen in every pot. Or 3 degrees from a foreign french isle.
    Remember the "wiseguys" are still on the road. They don't arrive until Jan. 06.
    lol [​IMG]
  14. mcqueary

    mcqueary New Member

    I was actually hoping to see Russ mentioned here. Blahetka is arguably the "orange" of surnames as far as rhyming goes, but I know you're just creative enough to have come up with something, John :)

    I shall await next year's missive eagerly.

    Happy Holidays, everyone.

  15. John Bear

    John Bear Senior Member

    I chastise myself. What a shame to forget Ka-
    mikaze McQueary and Mister Blahetka!
  16. irat

    irat New Member

    It is the 6th day of xmas and the "Maids a'milkin'" are arriving. I wonder if they can "milk" this for any more?
  17. Ike

    Ike New Member

    I wish everybody a Merry Christmas (too late) and a Hapy New Year.
  18. Bill Highsmith

    Bill Highsmith New Member

    I don't know if you ran into this during your search, but it may be the ultimate ascii art example. It is actually ASCII animation (asciimation), a rendering of an Star Wars episode in ASCII animation. See Someone has a lot of time on their hands.
  19. John Bear

    John Bear Senior Member

    Wow. And when I was in typing class in 8th grade, someone discovered that if you typed a "O", backspaced, and advanced the paper by a fraction of an inch and typed an ampersand (&), the result looked like a tiny figure of a person. ASCII thrills from the 1950s.
  20. Rich Douglas

    Rich Douglas Well-Known Member

    Computer wimp.

    Rich Douglas, who read both of 'em! [​IMG]

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