The Rapture is coming 5/21/11

And you could get an PhD (awesomeness causa) in the same field. Remember, as Tiger said, "I don't know why a woman would want to play sports. I can provide all the athletic activity they need."**

I'm a bit confused by your reference to the "close of business." I was under the impression that Tiger was all business, all the time. Even when he is playing. Which is also all the time.



**Not actually stated by Tiger, but likely implied. Your mileage may vary. This statement shall not be construed as to make any express or implied claims of merchantability, chicanery, or general tomfoolery.

 

You've left out a number of Tiger's other memorable words of wisdom, gems such as:

Directed to any woman defending Title IX: "You want to hear a joke? Women's sports"

To my fiance rebuffing her claim she was a Division 1 college athlete: " First Holy Cross is barely division one. Second: swimming is barely a sport - it's more like exercise. Third: Women's swimming is certainly not a sport. When sandwich making becomes a sport, then I'll call you an athlete."

After striking a girl in her nether region during a competitive game of intergender adult league dodge ball: "BOOM! Square in the lady junk! Get off my court, bitch!"

This is just a sampling to prove that Tiger doesn't only hate the poor, but women as well.

Tiger fears he may have said to much. These quotes may come back to haunt him during his presidential campaign..........

 

I'd also like to point out that the discussion between Stefan and myself in this thread clearly demonstrates that if the Rapture occurs tomorrow, Jesus will most certainly want me at the front of the line. Maybe not the very front, but definitely top-3, maybe top-5.

 

One could argue that Tiger doesn't hate the poor or women or even the dreaded "poor women." He simply wants them in their proper place: women for his pleasure, the poor for his landscaping, and poor women for sandwich-making.

And the comments won't matter. Although some of the comments may be considered misogynistic, antisemitic, homophobic, hydrophilic, and phantasmagoric, the sheer power of his radiant shine will overwhelm the populace with lust or jealousy, and he will win in a landslide.

He will win all 58 states. Yes, even the 8 imaginary states that Tiger created by his sheer will.

 

It's a last-minute calculation dependent on several factors in the US News and World Reports Rankings. If you were a student at Harvard GSAS, then you would be top 2 for sure, but the jury is still out on the education school.

 

Those 8 states aren't made up, they just haven't become part of the United States of AUTiger. Once I'm elected we will acquire New Alaska (Russia), New California (Japan), South Texas (Mexico), New Texas (essentially then entire Middle East, except for those worthless ones that don't produce that sweet sweet black gold), New Hawaii (Australia), New Zealand (we won't change it's name, it's just going to belong to me....errr us, now), New America (Great Britian) and of course Puerto Rico.

Make no mistake, if they currently were states they would definitely vote for me.

 

Pre-trib, mid-trib, or post-trib?

 

Wait, I am confused. Is it Trip or trib.

Abner

 

:hmmm:

Not that I'm at all a suspicious sort but is there an alternate motive operating here?

HeraldNet.com - Nation/World: Evangelicals that predict end of the world are raking in the cash

 

trib, as in tribulation

 

Does this mean I should cancel plans for church on Sunday?

 

Jesus said no one will know when He returns.

Jesus himself said no one will know the date of his return – not even he himself - only the Father. I’m sorry to see misguided Christians fall for this kind of date calculation thing. They should rely on the Holy Spirit for guidance, not any fallible man, no matter his credentials. (But for the record, if 5/21/11 is the great day, I’m ready!) – James Howard, author of “What So Proudly We Hailed”

 

Yeah, you better cancel. You will have mass up in the rapture tour bus. Also, have your pets bathed and ready to go as well for the big day.

Abner

 

The Bus cometh

YouTube - ‪Don't miss the Bus Part-1 rapture youth Jesus church‬‏


Abner

 

Amen to that!

 

I understand that there are a lot of Rapture parties planned (it was considerate that they picked a Saturday). My question is this: What sort of drinks should one serve at a Rapture party?:alcoholic:

 

OK, OK, OK! Just wait one minute! The CDC just released a plan for what we should all do in the case of a Zombie attack (don't just take my word for it, it's true, you can find it all over the news).

CDC, zombie: Zombie attack coming? CDC tells you how to prepare - latimes.com

But I'm thinking that the timing of this report is no coincidence. I'm thinking that there's some people who see a connection between the Rapture and Zombies. So maybe I was right about that ninja outfit after all.

 

Here's a "Will you be raptured?" flowchart. Hint: :damnit:

“Will You Be Raptured?” Flowchart | Peas and Cougars