17 rules for being a good Democrat

17 Rules

RULES FOR BEING A GOOD DEMOCRAT

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians start wars.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.

17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

 

18 Rules for Being a Good Republican

1. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a popular conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

3. Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

4. "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs overseas.

5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

6. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

7. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

8. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

9. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

10. HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

11. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is evil socialism.

12. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

13. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

14. A president lying about an extramarital affair is a impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

15. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

16. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

17. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

18. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

 

Haaaaaahahahahahahahahahaha.

 

Love it!!!!

Abner

 

Maniac, all of that sounds like waaay too much work. Can't I just watch TV and believe what they tell me?

 

No, that would be my mom.

 

More Rules for being a Good Republican

1) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success
all on their own.

2) You have to believe that the US should get out of the UN, and that our
highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.

3) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives
but it needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the wrong
gender.

4) You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes a profit.

5) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to
Allah or Buddha.

6) You hate the ALCU for representing convicted felons, but they owed it
to the country to bail out Oliver North.

7) You have to believe that the best way to fight terrorism is to
alienate our allies and then demand their cooperation and money.

8) You have to believe that waging war with no exit strategy was wrong in
Vietnam but right in Iraq.

9) You support state rights, which means Ashcroft telling states what
locally passed voter initiatives he will allow them to have.

 

This is great! I can't wait for November. It's a lovely time of year. Tea anyone? I usually prefer coffee, but tea is supposed to be good for you.

 

Regarding Pro-choice versus Pro-life, let's not forget that both sides of this issue are intelligent good people. One side believes that an independent life begins at conception. The other side believes that is not the case and that a woman should be allowed to decide to terminate her pregancy if she so chooses.

 

If life begins at conception, then that's when I want the tax deduction for having a kid, not nine months later. Oh, and I want to be able to buy him/her--even before you can tell the difference--life insurance, health insurance, etc.

Nothing officially grants personhood to a fetus. Not the Social Security Administration, not your local bank, not life insurance companies, nothing.

I appreciate personal beliefs. But the real world operates differently.

 

Do they have funerals for all the fetuses thrown away at fertility clinics?

Abner

 

My understanding is that most of the fertilized eggs are discarded naturally without the woman ever even knowing she had a fertilized egg in her body. Why would it be silly to argue that the leading cause of death in the world is women having their period? Hint: because those zygotes were never born.

Of course, this is just my opinion and I do respect others that may disagree with me like my dear sister.

 

WOW! How evolved we have become...

 

Hmmm... or it could be because those eggs were never fertilized.

 

Homicide law does; if one murders a pregnant woman, you are often charged with two murders. Most parents consider their unborn children as people, too. I imagine the SSA and insurance companies do not for the obvious financial liabilities, not from any political stances.

Personally, I don't mind abortion being legal. But it is what it is. I'd prefer woman who can have a healthy birth to give their babies up for adoption, but if they want them dead then that's their burden to deal with...

 

Actually, you "vote" for or against a business every time you decide to buy or not one of its products/services.