Thurston Howell University: Legitimate?

The Parliament of Gilligan's Island, on March 1, 2001, passed the Howell University Act, establishing Thurston Howell University as the island's only accredited distance learning university.

Chancellor Emeritus: Thurston Howell III,
Secretary: Lovee Howell
President: Skipper, Ph.D.-Trinity C & U
Secretary: Mary Ann, MBA-Hamilton Uiversity
Faculty: Professor, Ph.D.-Oxford
Adjunct Faculty: Ginger, MA-U of San Moritz

Although the university is only three weeks old it graduated its first Ph.D. on March 21, 2001. Graduation ceremonies convened on the USS Minnow.

Gilligan, Ph.D., used a combination of life-experience credit (all on the island), CLEP examiniations, two weeks of course work, and a 10 page dissertation titled "Long Term Island Exposure: A Study in the Social-Relational Issues of Stranded Homo-sapiens."

While this seems to be a credible institution, I have some reservations.

Any inisght?

 

I was fortunate enough to have a look at their financials this month. It seems the currency used is still the coconut. Distance ed students signing up this month may want to check the rate of exchange ahead of time.

 

Hmmmmmm, this must mean those IKEA guys are visiting faculty?

 

In order to seem more credible, I suggest you use the full names of the faculty. Hence:

Skipper - Jonas Grumby
Professor - Roy Hinkley
Ginger Grant
Mary Ann Summers

Scott

 

I always knew that Ginger was dumb. She could not even get a PhD from a diploma mill and had to settle for a MA. I always liked May Ann Better anyhow!

J Nate

 

Luv it!!!

Can we also note please Professor Dr Kristiaan DeLey (PhD, EdD, MBA, BA) and Professor Dr Dickie Pendelton (PhD, EdD, MBa, BA) as visiting Professors from the world reknowned Capitol University in the British West Indies and Earlscroft University in the UK (wot, you say you no heard of them man???)

Cheers,

George

------------------
Virtual Universities of Australasia & the World
www.virtualuniversities.net
[email protected]

 

Ohnalee:

Hope all is well in sunny CA!

Yes indeed, coconut is still the preferred currency, however, the banana is also accepted.

Howell University has applied to the BPPVE for approval, but I don't think they meet the criteria. They refuse to participate in the tuition refund program, stating that it is impossible to refund banana's after 30 days.

Russell

 

Just sit right back, and you'll hear a tale. A tale of a fateful thread that started on this topic board, a board that's fine by Chip.

The author was a slightly zany man - the script was barely true. Two scammers read their names that day, and everybody sued.

Yes, everybody sued.

The language started getting rough, a line of "MILL!" got tossed. Think not of free speech issues, the discussion board was lost.

The suits were found a bore, and thus, a moderator filed: Say "MILL!" again, we'll censor you. A "MILL!" on here, and it's wiped. The brooding Steve - the professor and handy man - speared a "MILL! Again" drive!

 

Not only are they the ONLY distance University with a basketball team...

They are the UNBEATABLE Harlem Globtrotters

 

As opposed to the always beatable Washington Generals.

Bruce

 

I've crossed THU off my list.

I'm very dissapointed in their course offerings. I was hoping to take a course in boat making and repair. Currently there are none offered. Oh, yes, If you want to take classes in making things (other than boats) out of bamboo, THU offers a complete degree in Bamboo Engineering. I was dissapointed to learn that the degree plan totally overlooks the fabrication of boats from bamboo. I sent an e-mail to THU asking if they plan on adding boat making to the degree plan, and this was their response:

"My Good Man,

Thank you for your interest in Thurston Howell University. THU is the first and only accredited degree-granting institution on Gilligan's Island. We offer accredited degrees in Bamboo Engineering, Drama, Tropical Agriculture, Chemical Engineering, and, of course, a Master's of Business Administration in Entreprenuership. All of our degrees are available completely through distance learning.

Currently we are not able to offer courses in boat making and repair. It is harder than most people think to fabricate a boat out of wood or bamboo. Thus far, our faculty has not been able to successfully engineer a seaworthy craft.

But let me assure you, we are the leading university when it comes to engineering useful items from bamboo. We have created homes, cars, and even theater stages entirely out of bamboo, (we have a patent pending on our engineering method, of course). Let me assure you that we at THU stand ready to share our expertise with all of our students."

The e-mail was signed by Thurston Howell III, who, if I'm not mistaken, is the President of Howell Enterprises, one of the most profitable corporations in the world.

I checked with the U.S. patent office, and they said they have no records of anyone filing a patent on any engineering methods having anything at all to do with bamboo.

That's not the only thing that disturbs me about THU. While doing an internet search on THU, I came accross a hit at the Federal Communications Commission website. I checked it out, courious as to why THU would be mentioned on an FCC site. It seems as though a well-known telecommunications company has accussed THU of stealing bandwidth. The theory, advanced by the telecom company, is that a large submerged telephone cable washed up on the shore of Gilligan's Island during a terrible tropical storm, and THU has illigally tapped into it to gain access to the bandwidth needed to offer courses over the Internet. Sure, this scenario seems far fetched to me, but could you imagine the legal and financial trouble THU could get into if these accusations are proven to be true? The FCC is currently investigating the situation. The snag that they are running into now is that they are having trouble even finding Gilligan's Island.

In my opinion, all of the evidence points to the fact that THU is nothing but a cash cow (coconut cow?) for Howell Enterprises.

Tracy <><

 

We must be grateful to Tracy Gies for bringing up the matter of the bamboo program at THU. It should be noted that the university has now applied to the St. Kitts Ministry of War, Education, Pina Coladas, and Sunblocker for a Zonal Legal Equivalent (Z.L.E.), in which their programs in bamboo engineering would be declared the St. Kittsian equivalent of a Harvard doctorate. If the Z.L.E.is granted, the program will be renamed as an official BambooZLE.

 

Maybe Richie D could do some research to see what percentage of headhunters regard THU's accreditation status as acceptable.

 

This official press release just arrived from the Ministry of Education of St. Kitts:

"We have unanimously denied Thurston Howell University candidacy status as a degree granting institution for the following reasons:

1. THU does not have adequate faculty to offer its programs.

2. THU's curriculum does not meet standard educational requirements.

3. It is not in the best interest of our very own Berne University, to allow any other educational institution to operate within the jurisdiction of our country, as this could possibly cause a reduction in the revenues which the St. Kittsian government receives."

THU officials have responded with disappointment to the St. Kittsian decision, however, they remain committed to obtaining recognized accreditation. They now plan to make application to the Island of Norfolk.

Russell