Denominational humor

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussions' started by Bill Highsmith, Sep 15, 2001.

  1. Bill Highsmith

    Bill Highsmith New Member

    During an Ecumenical gathering....Someone rushed in and shouted, "The building is on fire!" Immediately...

    The METHODISTS gathered in the corner and prayed,
    The BAPTISTS cried, "Where is the water?"
    The QUAKERS quietly praised God for the blessing that fire brings,
    The LUTHERANS posted a notice on the door declaring that fire was evil,
    The ROMAN CATHOLICS passed a collection plate.
    The EPISCOPALIANS formed a procession and marched out,
    The CONGREGATIONALISTS shouted, "Every man for himself...."
    The FUNDAMENTALISTS shouted. "It's the vengeance of God!"
    The JEWS posted symbols on the door hoping that the fire would pass,
    The JEHOVAH's WITNESSES passed out literature about the fire,
    The MORMONS ran late-night TV commercials for free videos of the fire,
    The CHRISTIAN SCIENTISTS agreed among themselves that there was not a fire,
    The SCIENTOLOGISTS charged admission to the fire, and
    The PRESBYTERIANS appointed a chairperson who was to appoint a committee to look into the matter and make a written report to the voting assembly.
  2. Bill Highsmith

    Bill Highsmith New Member

  3. Rich Douglas

    Rich Douglas Well-Known Member

    The agnostics weren't sure there really was a fire. The atheists were convinced there wasn't one.

    Rich Douglas

    "Atheists can't disprove the existence of God. We have to take it on faith."

    Woody Allen

    (Regarding faith in God) "If God would only give me a sign. Say, a large deposit in my bank account."

    Woody Allen
  4. Guest

    Guest Guest


    A few key players are missing:

    The INDEPENDENT BAPTISTS said the fire couldn't be found in the KJV 1611, so they did not believe it.
    The WORD OF FAITH group began to confess, "This fire is not real, This fire is not real, etc."
    The CHARISMATICS began to sing "Send down the fire."
    The PENTECOSTALS began to jump, shout and run as they exited the building.
    The AMISH hitched up the horses and "got out of Dodge."
    The PROSPERITY crowd simply proceeded to Step #4 of their outline, refusing to allow anything to hinder them from receiving their Rolex and Rolls.
    The METROPOLITAN COMMUNITY CHURCH exited the building, but did stop to ask what gender the fire was.
    The TELEVANGELISTS offered to send an ember from the fire---for a $25.00 seed faith gift.
    The BRANCH DAVIDIANS said, "We've dealt with fire before."
    The SNAKE HANDLERS said the fire was a test of faith.
    The GREEK ORTHODOX refused to participate in extinguishing the fire because the Roman Catholics were involved.
    The VOODOO witch doctors walked on the fire.
    The HINDUS said the fire was their great-great grandmother.
    The BUDDHISTS offered incense to the fire.
    Those of ISLAM stated that the fire was for purification.
    The PRIMAL RELIGIONISTS danced around the fire.

    WOW! This could go on indefinitely, but of course its all in humor.

  5. Guest

    Guest Guest


    Thanks for posting that. It's cute!

    North (cradle Episcopalian now Missouri Synod Lutheran).

  6. Nicole-HUX

    Nicole-HUX New Member

    I think you'll find the Amish went home to gather their brethern for a barn raising as soon as the fire was put out.

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