Bush's Resume

courtesy of : http://www.prosoundweb.com/fun/jokes/joke114.shtml


George W. Bush's Resume

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GOAL:

To some day be elected President of the United States of America.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

I ran for congress and lost.

I bought an oil company (Harken), but couldn't find any oil in Texas; the company went bankrupt shortly AFTER I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago Cubs

With my father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:

I eased pollution laws and made Texas the most polluted state in the US.

On my watch Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog ridden city in America.

I set a record for most executions by any Governor in American history.

I became President, after losing the popular vote by over half a million votes, with the help of my father's Supreme Court appointees.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I attacked and took over two countries, both of which have virtually no restored infrastructure and are in chaos.

I spent the budget surplus.

I set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.

I set the record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.

I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.

I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.

In my first year in office I set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any US president.

After taking the entire month of August, 2001 off for vacation, I presided over the worst security failure in US history in September.

I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips than any other US president. And I still have 17 months to go!

I take a strong stand against affirmative action even though I got into Yale only through my family connections, not on the merit of my academic record.

During my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their jobs.

I set the record for the fewest number of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.

I very recently cut healthcare benefits for war veterans. As a matter of fact, I did this after we attacked Iraq. But I still like to tell everyone else to "Support Our Troops."

I set the all-time record for most people worldwide (15 million people) to simultaneously take to the streets in protest of me and my obsession with attacking Iraq.

I have retreated from or dismissed more international treaties than any president in US history.

My presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history.

Members of my cabinet are the wealthiest of any administration in US history. (The 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her).

I am the first president in US history to order a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the United Nations and the world community.

On my watch, and for the first time in US history, the United Nations removed the US from its Human Rights Commission.

On my watch, and for the first time in US history, the United Nations removed the US from its elections monitoring board.

I have attempted to render the United Nations irrelevant.

I withdrew the US from the World Court of Law.

I have refused to allow international inspectors access to US prisoners of war and, therefore no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.

One of my biggest lifetime campaign contributors, who is also a very good friend, presided over one of the largest ever corporate fraud scandals (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).

During a time of economic hardship for the lower and middle class, and during a time of huge war spending to finance the attack of Iraq, I signed into to law a multi-billion dollar tax cut which primarily benefits only the wealthiest Americans like me, my appointees, and my campaign contributors.

Therefore I have shattered the record for biggest annual deficit in history.

I am the first president to run and hide during an attack on our country (and then lied by saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1).

I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government.

In approximately 18 months I have turned an astounding amount of world sympathy for the US (after 9/11) into an astounding amount of resentment and hatred.

With a policy of 'disengagement', I have created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.

As a result of my foreign relations savvy, 71% of recently polled Europeans view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.

As a result of my foreign relations savvy, recently polled South Koreans feel more threatened by the US than by their immediate neighbor, North Korea.

I set the record for the number of administration appointees who violated US law by not divesting from corporations bidding for government contracts.

I have failed to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, even though their alleged existence was my sole basis for the "urgent" need to attack that country before UN arms inspectors could complete their work.

In the 18 months following the 9/11 attacks I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security/intelligence failure in the history of the United States.

I appointed a former lumber industry lobbyist to a post in the Environmental Protection Agency.

I appointed a former auto industry executive to a post on my Energy Commission.

I called hundreds of thousands of anti-war protesters "nothing but a focus group."

My Attorney General John Ashcroft (whom I appointed to this very important national position after he lost a Missouri senatorial race to a deceased man) has removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other Attorney General in US history. And he's not finished yet!

When I entered office we had the strongest economy in US history and now, less than two years later, every single economic category is heading straight down.

 

I suppose this is supposed to be humor??

Anyone's life could be twisted to look bad. That economy issue is rank stupidity. The economy was on it's way down before the democrats even left office (how soon folks forget the demise of the internet bubble, etc). I cracked up when Gore mentioned this as if it were GWB's fault. Either he and other democrats have bad memories or think the American public is pretty stupid.

What amazes me is that people hate Bush to the point of irrationality (Time & US News have pointed us this phenomenon). It is sickening and almost enough to get me not to vote democratic. Kerry & company luckily dropped the ridiculous National Guard *issue*. Frankly, I do not care whether GWB showed up for all of his drill dates as that is not even an unusual occurrence. Kerry had better nab onto some issues and decide to be decisive about something important or he is going to continue to look like an arrogant flip flopper.

Understand that I am conservative but independent. I have voted for Clinton and against him. I voted for GWB and may vote against him.

I am not a mindless Republican or Democrat who votes straight ticket. We have folks around here who do. A Democrat once told my wife that he did not even want to hear about a candidate because he voted straight ticket. She asked him what about the best candidate and he said that he trusted the democratic party to choose the best candidate for him. Err yahh. God gave us minds to use. We would be in better shape if folks did not just wander in mindless abandon after a particular party.

Okay enough venting.

North

 

<<My Attorney General John Ashcroft (whom I appointed to this very important national position after he lost a Missouri senatorial race to a deceased man) has removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other Attorney General in US history. And he's not finished yet!>>

I can't even stoop to defend all of the other charges you've made here. Most of these are baseless, twisted, without merit, and are made out of personal hatred. What's worse is that you know it.

Regarding Ashcroft, you've left out some very small details...you know, like September 11, 2001. Without sweeping changes to our "civil liberties" we will continue to "enjoy" many more September 11's. Sound like fun to you? I am so sick of this "civil liberty" and "personal freedom" garbage that I really want to throw up. What do you have to fear from the changes that are being made? I live here just as you do. My family lives here just as you do. None of my freedoms have been compromised. Give it a rest.

Pug

 

Joke

Here's a four letter word for the overly defensive Republicans out there - JOKE.

 

Re: Joke

Ironically though, contrary to the politically correct thesis of tolerance, when the same is said of Bill Clinton (or others of his ilk), it seems to be a different matter entirely.

Hmmmmmmmmm.....................

 

Re: Re: Joke

Well, I remember laughing at a lot of Daily Show and Late Night comments on Clinton's problems. Cigars and dresses figured prominently.

Like any joke on any subject, especially touchy ones, it's all relative.

 

NO U.S. president has been more vilified in the press than Bill Clinton. Deservedly or not, he got more criticism and scrutiny than anyone coming before. Bush I got a pass on Iran-Contra. Reagan ran up the largest deficits in history, even Carter has been rehabilitated. Ford wins the Mr. Congeniality award, despite pardoning the largest threat to our constitutional government, and the threat himself died a respected elder statesman.

Whatever is happening to Bush right now is well-deserved. He won the election (not "stole," won) by a hair and has run his father's administration since with an arrogance that invites the other side to fight back.

Clinton was popular with the people (see his approval ratings) because he ran and served from the middle. Bush cannot understand that, and will likely be replaced. The only reason why he's in office now is that the Democrats owed Al Gore. Any reasonable opponent would have sent him packing.

Does anyone doubt John McCain could beat Bush this time? He's biding his time, waiting for Bush to lose so he can run in 2008. Kerry and McCain? In a walk. This is a very vulnerable president, and for good reason. He attacked the wrong country for the wrong reasons and got a lot of people killed. Now he can't resolve what he created--and is trying to run on that legacy. (There are no other reasons to even consider retaining him, and he knows it.)

Finally, did you really see his press conference? What a dope.

 

Thank you, Rich, for your personal opinion.

 

I constantly hear the stipulation that Bush somehow "stole" the election. This provides me with an endless source of mirth considering the fact that our nation does not elect a President based on a popular vote. It elects the President using an electoral college. The electoral college voted for Bush; Bush won. The uneducated are the ones who actually buy this "stolen election" propaganda. How comical!

 

Please....

Clinton was popular with the people because of the economy. And since Clinton did zip to promote the economy he was just lucky. People voted their pocketbooks. If it had tanked he would have been set packing.

Clinton was not "vilified" in the press. They just reported his shenanigans. He did it so he has to take the consequences. I don't remember anyone attacking Clinton's intelligence based on a rumor.

Bush 1 did not get a pass on Iran-Contra it was all over the press. Has everyone forgotten the special prosecutor and Cappie being indicted? It just pales now because of all the noise Clinton made in office. He faced that noise for the same reasons reality TV is such a hit and people slow down for car wrecks. The Bill and Hillary Show was the first reality TV. You had bimbo's, corruption, drunken relations, domestic spats, you name it. Remember the "Boxers or Briefs" question? People ate that crap up. Shame on them.

 

Re: Joke

Yes, absolutely.

And of course Demcrats can claim the same sort of "irrationality" about the Republican hatred for Clinton (Bill or Hillary), Kennedy et al. Democrats put up with that for 8 years. Funny how when the tables are turned they don't like it so much.

 

Yes, but of course the electoral college is a "function" of the popular vote. That is/was the issue. Not so uneducated after all.

 

Funny how we can watch the same press conference and have such different reactions. I watched it and thought, "Finally...a man of integrity, honesty, intelligence, and courage is in the White House."

 

He is fine when reading from a prepared speech. But when he fields questions - it is embarassing.

And why is he the only Bush with a strong Texas accent? We have to put up with Jeb! and he has no trace of an accent.

 

He is seriously challenged when he has to be extemporaneous. Leno has been playing his speech where tries to say "fool me once shame on you....". It is hillarious. He pauses after "fool me once.." and you can see his brain free-wheeling. Then he just screws the whole thing up. It brings back warm memories of Dan Quayle.

Once Bush is done, it's hard to imagine that anyone will pay him to go on the lecture circuit - unless it's part of a comedy routine.

The Repubs can go on and on trying to pick apart Clinton's morals etc., but there is no denying he has a true, first-rate, intellect. Press conferences were a thing of beauty, as he was absolutely up on every issue, and instead of freezing like a deer in the headlights, he actually relished spur-of-the-moment theorizing.

 

That's what I said. He won it.

 

Wow

Wow, the ability to BS a press conference or a speech is now the mark of a good president!

I saw an evaluation once of every promise Clinton made during his state of the union addresses. He failed to follow through on the vast majority of them. The ones that did get through were ones that were already being pushed through by Congress. But, because he could give a good speech promising tons of feel good programs that he had not intention of following through with he is now a good President. Used to be a President had to do something to be called great.

Goes to show what I always say, the average civilian who has never served in the military wouldn't know leadership if it fell on their head. They go for "I feel your pain", faux tears and all that other BS Clinton did. The man led by polls and avoided any controversial positions after he got his butt stung over national health insurance and he is now a good president. What a crock. You guys have pathetically low standards.

I am curious Tom57, how many speeches a year do you give? I give dozens. It is still, after all of the years I have done it, a difficult thing to do and I am not even speaking to millions of people. This despite years of OER's and NCOER's that raved that I had excellent verbal communication skills.

PS, Eisenhower was not known as a speaker either. However, he did have the same trait subscribed to Bush, good one on one skills. Anybody wanna say Eisenhower was a buffoon or poor leader? I find it odd that Bill is idolized by the public but many of his past "friends" won't have anything to do with him today. Blair, whom the press trumpeted as Bill's "ideaological soulmate" didn't like him at all.

 

You've got to be kidding! The only person I've ever seen in public life that came off as more of a doofus than Bill is his wife, Hillary.

 

Misstated

The electoral college is a result of the vote in each state whereas the popular vote is nationwide. No, you are not so educated.

BTW, prior to the 2000 election many pundits were saying Bush would win the popular vote but lose in the electoral college. When Gore was asked what his response to that would be he said he would respect the framers of the constitution. Of course, when the opposite happened he changed his story. He then proceeded to remove the right to vote from some of the very same soldiers who are now in Iraq. I heard Kerry was terrified Gore would endorse him?

 

Re: Misstated

Yes, the popular vote in each state. Let's call the electoral college a "piecewise function" of the popular vote.