How to deal with an embarrasing mistake?

I have heard on breathalyzers and even breathalyzers that you have to use to start your car. These are given to people with DUI convictions in a lot of cases (which I think is a great idea). The OP was talking about a different and much less invasive technology which I have not heard of or been able to find.

 

I am not making excuses for my friend. And, perhaps it is wrong of me to say that it can happen to anyone. I am merely pointing out that my friend isn't one of those people that frequents the bars every night and gets drunk on a frequent or regular basis. They only drink once in a great while and it could be that this person had drank more this time than in previous occassions.

It was totally wrong for them to drink and drive no question about it. At the same time even a person who is committed to not drinking and driving if there is pressure from other friends, and the environment, whether one wants to accept it or not when someone has had much to drink it impaires their ability to make good choices and judgment. The problem was that there other friends weren't around to tell them not to drive and this is where accountability gets lost. It isn't necessarily the other friends fault because this person did decide to drink and drive and that is the choice that they made.

My friend mentioned that they wouldn't have driven had they not felt pressured from another person to give them a ride. It was still their fault and it was wrong that they decided to drive. They should have known better, but at the same time, my point is that a persons judgment gets impaired and that is why I am saying having some kind of mechanism that can detect the odor of alcohol would be another option to safeguard that from happening. Would it be bullet-proof? No. But, it would be another means to have a safety check in place.

There has been mention of something being proposed to deal with this issue. It has been mentioned as a proposal, but from what I have read and researched they haven't come out with a specific name for it, but those that I previously mentioned it has been recommended to be put in all cars.

I am not making excuses for my friend. The issue here though is that there is a difference between those people who don't learn from their crimes, and that continue to get one DUI after another. Those are people that clearly have a real problem and need to have this kind of feature installed in their car and get help. But, there are also those who did commit a crime, but aren't alcoholics and made a really bad decision to drive but are basically classified in the same manner as those who constantly are drinking and driving.

Lastly, what I mean is that it can happen to people. When you do drink and have consumed much alcohol, there are those that normally wouldn't drink and drive, but given the right pressure from friends or the environment and it can convince them to do something that they normally wouldn't do because the alcohol itself has impaired them. Are they still responsible for their choice and decision? You bet. But, the alcohol still is a part of the issue of being impaired of making a bad decision.

So my point is that if we could have a safety mechanism in place that wasn't so invasive and could help deter the chances of that happening that would be great. It wouldn't be bullet-proof but it would at least help to deter it. I am honestly convinced that had another friend intervened, or there was this kind of safety mechanism it would have made my friend at least second guess what they were doing and could have avoided them making this horrible decision.

And, turns out the so-called friend that they gave a ride to. Well, my friend has never heard from them since then, and basically was laughing at the whole situation while they were being arrested. Here again, is where you find out who your real true friends are and who is not a friend period.

 

I'm sorry for your friends troubles. I hope the consequences are fair, not overly severe.

 

May I ask how old your friend is?

It sounds like your friend is having a really hard time dealing with this. In NJ for the 1st DUI a person almost automatically loses thier license for 1 year. That is a major punishmen, because unless you live in the big cities there is little to no public transportation.

For that year it is very embarrasing to have to be driven everywhere ( I even had one acquaintence who hired someone to drive her to church). Some people have lost their job because they could not always get there.

The punishment is meant to be a learning experience, there is of course also the possibility of community service, fines and required classes. These are also to try to catch and warn the frequent drunk drivers.

The main thing your friend needs to remember is this memory and bad feelings will go away, but the lessons shouldn't be forgotten.

I think requiring every car to have a breathalyzer or similar contraption is wrong. Some people (my elderly mother for example) never drink and can't afford this extra expense on her car. We all need to go out with the thought either I don't drink at all or I don't drive period.

 

I think the breathalyzer option is only good for those convicted of alcohol related DUI/DWI. Most places are moving to where they require them on the first conviction if the person can display a need to use their personal vehicle for work/school/whatever.

But that doesn't prevent the person from driving another car that doesn't have one, and there's really no way to police that. The same with having someone blow in the tube for them.

I think that the breathalyzer should be mandatory for (arbitrarily picks a number out of an imaginary hat) 2 years after the term of the suspension of the license.

Of course, if the person was under the influence of a drug other than alcohol, the gadget is useless. I guess the only step for that would be having lancets that take blood like diabetes blood sugar tests, and then we're getting all sorts of weird vampire cars... And I thought the Prius was bad...

 

You most certainly are.

 

Tell him/her they made a human error. Engaging in self hatred does nothing but lead to depression. They must pay their dues, learn from their mistake and move on. If the same mistake is done again, that is on them.

Abner

 

A friend who has not had a drink in 27 years was turned down for a contractor's license in his home state, under a 'zero tolerance' policy. He did on-line research and found other states (California was one) that did not have such a policy; he got his license 3 weeks ago.

And on a similar note . . . no, wait, it is kind of tangential, so I shall start a new thread called "Police use of cameras."

 

I have a friend who is a platoon leader that just lost one of his soldiers due to a drunk driver. This guy has 2 deployements under his belt, has completed all the unit training to deploy with his unit to Afghanistan shortly. He was a squad leader, which means that in an instant, a family and 10 soldiers lost a husband, a friend and a respected leader. Now, he dodged bullets and survived explosions only to be mowed down by a f***ing irresponsible idiot, who might like your friend, "feel very sorry" for his actions or whatever.
People might stomach many things, but not this kind of irresponsible behavior. A "mistake" is that oops-I-sent-an-email-to-the-wrong-recipient or oops-I-was-caught-pissing-in-the-pool-by-my-neighbor or whatever else, not when it directly impacts the lives of any number of unrelated victims.
Your friend was deliberate in his desire and intent to drive after drinking. Otherwise, he would have taken the necessary precautions to prevent this incident from occuring. You, as a friend, should not coddle him and be overly compassionate or forgiving, but rather tell him to man up to his deed and become more responsible in his decision-making. This lapse in judgement certainly will cost him more than financially, and I hope that he learns his lesson without going in his depression as a coping mechanism.
This subject is rather touchy for me, since I am an Infantry officer stationned in Germany, where many American soldiers come here and are able to drink "legally" off-post and get in all kinds of trouble due to drunk driving, either causing their death or the deaths of other civilians - American and Germans.

 

Not a lot of constructive comment emerging here. If this person was marginally over a particularly low state limit, there might be room for a little mercy.

If this person was more than that, well, that is different. Once you reach the point where your judgement is impaired, it is irresponsible to drive. There are always alternatives, even if they are sometimes a little inconvenient.

Many people will drive after a single drink, as in most places this is within the law. The convivial bar environment means many are tempted to take a second, those that do may risk punishment.

If he/she is beating themselves up so badly over this there is only one viable option, to begin the slow process of re-building credibility. Time is a healer, and if they go the extra mile to prove that they are a good citizen, who can contribute positively to society, then its amazing how different things may look this time next year. They obviously have a slightly impetuous nature, so who knows, this may even save them from something worse in the future.

Tell your friend to stop feeling sorry for themselves and get stuck into proving everyone wrong.

Peace,

Dave C.

 

Mistakes can be improved if we want to improve before doing the next mistake.