Parents are ditching the softer approach to child-rearing that has dominated the culture and taking a harder line; ‘out-feral their feral’ By Ellen Gamerman July 25, 2025 5:30 am ET Original Link (with paywall): https://www.wsj.com/lifestyle/fafo-gentle-parenting-625da658 Archived Article: https://archive.ph/w3a5O
Like any term, once it hits the mainstream it gets distorted. Gentle parenting was never about raising kids without discipline. Instead, it was explicitly about setting boundaries and encouraging mutual respect between parent and child. I don't explicitly subscribe to the philosophy, but I rarely ever raise my voice to my kids. I've never swore at them or spanked them, and now that they're teenagers we can have a discussion when we disagree about things. Often they'll come around to my side, or at least understand why they can't do something if we say they can't because we talked about the reasons why. My kids have some friends raised in much more authoritarian households and all it taught them was how to break the rules more carefully, how to sneak around, and that if they know they're going to get caught sneaking out they might as well stay out as long as possible because they're going to get a harsh punishment either way.
When they were growing up, if my kids argued with me and were right, they'd win. They had to have a good argument though. Eventually it was like living with four little rabbis, but I'm not sorry.
Goodbye Gentle Parenting? Maybe not. But a rude awakening is certainly in store for anyone raised with a sense of entitlement. Responsibility and accountability aren't optional—they're learned. Without them, we risk raising individuals who grow into bitter, disrespectful adults, disconnected from reality and increasingly dependent on others to solve problems they should be managing themselves. Life doesn't cater to unearned self-esteem. But, if there was someone soft on kids, that was mua. That said—if anyone was soft on the kids, it was mua. My wife and in-laws were always accusing me of letting them get away with too much. Guilty as charged. Yet I knew where to set the border, amd had good approach to raising fine bunch.
By the way, this conversation seems relevant: https://www.linkedin.com/posts/michaelstrong1_most-parents-regularly-manipulate-their-children-activity-7353529635818622976-cByH/ I was a little surprised that mine was the only somewhat-dissenting view.
Parents not saying no and parents refereeing all their kids’ problems are separate variables from gentle parenting. Especially not saying no. Tough love and authoritative parenting are well-known decades-old concepts. Although they’re closer to FAFO and “out-feral,” the newer two invoke an aggression the older two don’t. Too many concepts are being conflated. What’s next?
I've read some research over the years to suggest that authoritative (not authoritarian) parenting can have some positive outcomes. However, I'm not sure if I'd ever promote this bit from the article:
