It is finals week for Summer Term A at my university. Teaching two online classes. Typical email. Dear Online Professor, I am concerned because I did not do well in your class. [I would also were I pursuing a business degree and got a 45% "F" in Intro to Business] I worked hard and my grades do not reflect the amount of time I put in. [Actually, they likely do, because you probably studied a grand total of 45 minutes for the final exam while simultaneously playing beer pong]. I have never worked harder in a class in my life! [Sadly, that may be true, you may never have worked in a class at all in your life, aside from showing up and getting your participation trophy, because you came of age in the No Child Left Behind Era] I am a good student and I have always gotten good grades except in your class and I think that says something. [Yes, of course, it's all my fault, if I were only a better instructor I would have given you an "A" which affirms the fact that you identify as a great, hard-working student even though your time this semester was spent as follows: 40% social media, 30% sleep, 10% binge drinking, 7% recreational drug use, 6% group sex, 5% in class (not paying attention to lecture, on phone snap-chatting, tweeting, surfing web), 2% miscellaneous, .0000000000001% studying] Is there any extra credit I could do? [Yes, of course, I'm sure after the entire course is complete and I have turned in grades to the registrar that they will not mind re-opening things so that you can spend 8 minutes cut-and-paste plagiarizing something from Wikipedia and turn it in as your "research paper" and I'll be so amazed at it that I will raise you three letter grades and the registrar will approve the grade change] I was wondering if there is any way I could still pass this class? [Yes, take it again and study next time]. Sincerely, Lazy Student
