Are You Technologically Challenged?

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussions' started by Dr. Gina, Aug 14, 2003.

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  1. Dr. Gina

    Dr. Gina New Member

    Another funny email that I recieved:



    So you think you are technology challenged? Read this!! Take heart,
    anyone among you who believes you are technologically challenged you
    "aint seen nuthin' yet. This is an excerpt from a Wall Street Journal
    article:

    1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press
    Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key
    is.

    2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was
    hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the
    plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

    3. A Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax
    anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician
    discovered
    the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of
    the
    monitor screen = and hitting the "Send" key.

    4. Another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer
    worked. He hand cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water
    and
    soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing
    them individually.

    5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
    because his computer had told him he was "Bad and an invalid." The tech
    explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid responses
    shouldn't be taken personally.

    6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He
    told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find the
    printer." The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face
    the printer, but that his computer still couldn't see the printer.

    7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her
    new Dell computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged
    in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power
    button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and
    nothing happens." The foot pedal turned out to be the computer's mouse.

    8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new
    computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in
    and nothing happened. When asked what happened when she pressed the
    power switch, she asked, "What power switch? I didn't know it had a
    power switch."

    9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for
    support "I put in the first disk, and that was OK." It said to put in
    the second disk, and she had some problems with the disk. "When it said
    to put in the third disk, I couldn't! even fit it in..." The user
    hadn't
    realized that Insert Disk 2" implied to also remove Disk 1 first.

    10. A story from a Novell NetWire Systems Operator:

    CALLER: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
    TECH: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
    CALLER: "The cup
    holder on my PC is broken, and I am within my warranty period. How do I
    go about getting it fixed?
    TECH: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup
    holder" CALLER: "Yes,
    it's attached to the front of my computer."
    TECH: "Please excuse me! If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I
    am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How
    did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
    CALLER: "It came with my
    computer. I don't know anything about a promotional It just has "4X" on
    it, and it came out when I pushed the button." At this point the Tech
    Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it. He was
    laughing
    too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive
    as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive.

    11. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
    The tech asked her if she was "running it under windows." The woman
    responded, No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point.
    The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his
    printer is working fine.

    12. And last, but not least:
    TECH SUPPORT: "OK Bob,
    let's
    press the control and escape key at the same time. That brings up a
    task
    list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up
    the Program Manager."
    CUSTOMER: "I don't have a "P"
    TECH SUPPORT: "On
    your keyboard, Bob."
    CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"
    TECH SUPPORT: "P" on your keyboard, Bob."
    CUSTOMER: "No, I'm not going to
    do that!"
     
  2. roysavia

    roysavia New Member

    There must be a sale on frontal lobotomies. The morons in this article should be outlawed from owning a PC. :rolleyes:
     
  3. Starkman

    Starkman New Member

    Yeah, I can vouch for these ...

    I was a tech support agent for five years.
    One of the memorable calls, though it wasn't me but my friend and fellow agent in the cube next to me went like this:

    TECH: Okay, let's open Windows.
    CALLER: ... ... nothing
    TECH: (looking at me) I think I lost my caller. 'Sir, hello ...?'
    CALLER: (back now from the dead) ... Okay, I'm back.
    TECH: Where'd you go?
    CALLER: I opened some windows.


    Some of the frustrating calls (not for me but for the caller) ... CALLER: Listen this is too frustrating. I can't do this. Here, talk with my son
    ME: Hi, I'm Keith.
    SON: Hi ...
    ME: (hmm!) What's your name?
    SON: Um ... Samuel
    ME: how old are you?
    SON: I'm six (and he follows my instructions just fine!)

    One call my friend had was ... well, you decide:

    TECH: What seems to be the issue today?
    CALLER: Well, I think ... F-A-A-A-A-A-R-T ... I think I deleted a driv ... F-A-A-R-T (sound of a splash in a toilet) ... driver or something (grunts and groans).
    The caller was dead serious throught the call and was happy to get his computer fixed ... oblivious to bathroom protocol and manners! The agent must have wet her pants, because she cried laughing, having to put the guy on hold and announce to the rest of us what was going on, while she exercised her stomach muscles!


    As a video support tech, and you wouldn't believe the questions:

    CALLER: "Can ... can you see me?"
    ME: "No; you haven't even turned the computer on yet!"

    (Often I'd wait until the caller was rebooting or something, and then I'd say, "Listen, can you scoot over, I can't see the screen." Dead silence until I told them I was just joking.)

    Then there were the calls where we connected with video, and the people weren't wearing clothes: some old geezer in Bemudas with no shirt and a stogie hanging out of his mouth; naked couples thinking that we were naked, until they figured out that we didn't use Netmeeting for "those" purposes when we were doing support; people with their cameras at their computer desks pointed at them but forgetting that the door to their bedroom was right behind them ... go figure! It was an experience!

    Once a high mucky-muck from Microsoft called one of my fellow agents and says, "I can't get this ^$#(*# CD to work. I've tried everything, and I keep getting the same *@%# error. The tech agent asked him if he tried cleaning the cd. "NO!" The CD worked fine after the mucky-muck washed it!

    Here's another:
    CALLER: I can't get my computer to work.
    ME: (after figuring out that the person isn't at the computer). Okay, can you get to the computer?
    CALLER: Yeah ... I guess. I mean, do I have to? It's in the other room.
    ME: What, won't the phone reach?
    CALLER: Oh, it'll reach just fine.
    ME: Okay, well, let's do this (as I continually here the sighs!)
    CALLLER: Okay, I'm there.
    ME: Okay, is Windows booted up?
    CALLER: I haven't turned it on. Can't you just tell me what to do, and I'll do it later?
    ME: ... (now I'm sighing!) Sure. Open the Registry, go to HKey_User ... find the value for ...
    CALLER: Um, wait. I guess I'll have to do this now.
    ME: (silently ... DUH!)

    I had the calls with the CD stuck in the CDRom and the frantic parent, who doesn't even own the software I support. She just wanted to know how to get the CD unstuck; her son ... got peanut butter all over the CD and now it's nice and packed in the CDRom! No, it was really jammed in there. I don't think the peanut butter had much to do with it, if you ask me. I told her, "Sorry, but you'll have to call ... technical support!"

    The coffee cup holder (aka CDRom) came up here and there; old folks who hadn't even seen a keyboard before much less a computer. They gave it their best, though. Really, though, 80-year-old folks going out and buying new HPs ... never--and I mean never--having typed on a typewriter much less a keyboard before. After I started getting a lot of old-folk calls--and I couldn't figure out why, and still don't know what all the excitement was--my slogan quickly became, "80-year-old man ... brand new HP ... JUST SAY NO!)

    Worse: an 80-year-old woman would call us and tell us that her husband, "Who's 80-years-old also" just called before her: "80-year-old wife of the 80-year-old man, who just bought an HP ... JUST SAY NO!" I kid you not! This happened frequently enough where I started asking these folks questions about why they just now decided to get a computer. I never got answers that clued me in on any particular ads they saw or anything like that. Weird.

    It's been a while since I've done tech support, and I can't remember all the funny calls, but we did get them.

    Funny!

    Starkman
     
  4. Starkman

    Starkman New Member

    Oh, I can vouch for this!

    I was a tech support agent for five years.
    One of the memorable calls, though it wasn't me but my friend and fellow agent in the cube next to me, went like this:

    TECH: Okay, let's open Windows.
    CALLER: ... ... nothing
    TECH: (looking at me) I think I lost my caller. 'Sir, hello ...?'
    CALLER: (back now from the dead) ... Okay, I'm back.
    TECH: Where'd you go?
    CALLER: I opened some windows.


    Some of the frustrating calls (not for me but for the caller) ...

    CALLER: Listen this is too frustrating. I can't do this. Here, talk with my son
    ME: Hi, I'm Keith.
    SON: Hi ...
    ME: (hmm!) What's your name?
    SON: Um ... Samuel
    ME: how old are you?
    SON: I'm six (and he follows my instructions just fine!)


    One call my friend had was ... well, you decide:

    TECH: What seems to be the issue today?
    CALLER: Well, I think ... F-A-A-A-A-A-R-T ... I think I deleted a driv ... F-A-A-R-T (sound of a splash in a toilet) ... driver or something (grunts and groans).
    The caller was dead serious throughout the call and was happy to get his computer fixed ... oblivious to his bathroom protocol! The agent must have wet her pants, because she laughed herself silly, having to put the guy on hold and announce to the rest of us what was going on, while she exercised her stomach muscles!


    As a video support tech, you wouldn't believe the questions. People really think the computer is alive ...

    CALLER: "Can ... can you see me?"
    ME: "No, you haven't turned the computer on yet!" or "No, you haven't even plugged the camera in yet.


    (Often I'd wait until the caller was rebooting or something, and then I'd say, "Listen, can you scoot over, I can't see the screen." Dead silence until I told them I was just joking.)


    Then there were the calls where we connected with video, and the people weren't wearing clothes: some old geezer in Bemudas with no shirt and a stogie hanging out of his mouth (Oh, just what I want to see, you know); naked couples thinking that we were naked, until they figured out that we didn't use video for "those" purposes to do tech support; people with their cameras at their computer desks pointed at them but forgetting that the door to their bedroom was right behind them ... go figure! It was an experience!


    Once a high mucky-muck from Microsoft called one of my fellow agents and says, "I can't get this ^$#(*# CD to work. I've tried everything, and I keep getting the same *@%# error. The tech agent asked him if he tried cleaning the cd. "NO!" The CD worked fine after the mucky-muck washed it!


    Here's another:
    CALLER: I can't get my computer to work.
    ME: (after figuring out that the person isn't at the computer). Okay, can you get to the computer?
    CALLER: Yeah ... I guess. I mean, do I have to? It's in the other room.
    ME: What, won't the phone reach?
    CALLER: Oh, it'll reach just fine.
    ME: Okay, well, let's do this (as I continually hear the the sighs!)
    CALLER: Okay, I'm there.
    ME: Okay, is Windows booted up?
    CALLER: I haven't turned it on. Can't you just tell me what to do, and I'll do it later?
    ME: ... (now I'm sighing!) Sure. Open the Registry, go to HKey_User ... find the value for ...
    CALLER: Um, wait. I guess I'll have to do this now.
    ME: (silently ... DUH!)


    I had the calls with the CD stuck in the CDRom and the frantic parent, who doesn't even own the software I support. She just wanted to know how to get the CD unstuck; her son ... got peanut butter all over the CD and now it's nice and packed in the CDRom! It was really jammed in there. I don't think the peanut butter had much to do with it, if you ask me. I told her, "Sorry, but you'll have to call ... technical support!"


    Speaking of food ...

    I had one caller tell me she simply would not get rid of her cookies! You don't quite know what to make of those calls in the first minute or two of the call until you realize that the caller ... well, isn't thinking quite along the same lines you, the tech are!


    The coffee cup holder (aka CDRom) came up here and there; old folks who hadn't even seen a keyboard before much less a computer. They gave it their best, though. Really, though, 80-year-old folks going out and buying new HPs ... never--and I mean never--having typed on a typewriter much less a keyboard before. After I started getting a lot of old-folk calls--not knowing why, all of a sudden, there's this onslaught of old-folk calls, I became known for the the following slogan I kept yelling out at my fellow agents: 80-year-old man ... brand new HP ... JUST SAY NO!

    Worse: an 80-year-old woman would call us and tell us that her husband, "Who's 80-years-old also" just called before her; a further development of my slogan: "80-year-old wife of the 80-year-old man, who just bought an HP ... JUST SAY NO!" I kid you not! This happened frequently enough where I started asking these folks questions about why they just now decided to get a computer. I never got answers that clued me in on any particular ads they saw or anything like that. Weird. These were great people, and I loved working with them, but it was so hard to believe that so many of these folks had never seen a keyboard before ... a typewriter ... nuttin', zilch! And I had to walk them through extracting and transfering files? Oh, you can't imagine! (But I'd do it again ina heartbeat!)


    It's been a while since I've done tech support, and I can't remember all the funny calls, but we did get them. I miss the job a lot.

    Funny!

    Starkman
     
  5. Starkman

    Starkman New Member

    I hate double posts!

    Skip my first post; the second is the correct post.

    Thanks,

    Starkman
     
  6. Dr. Gina

    Dr. Gina New Member

  7. MichaelR

    MichaelR Member

    Re: Oh, I can vouch for this!

    Why i never worked in tech support...... Though desktop support for a school district was pretty wild.

    One of my favorites was when a school technology person called because a computer was "screaching"

    I went to the school, turned down the volume for the mic and the screaching noise went away.....

    I kinda miss being a roving geek, but working from home is so much better.
     
  8. Starkman

    Starkman New Member

    Screaching!

    That's good! Real good. You could have told the person, "Well, listen, there's no threat until it unfolds its wings. You really have to move quick and feed it the mouse before it pecks your eyes out."

    Boy, I tell you!

    Starkman
     
  9. MichaelR

    MichaelR Member

    Re: Screaching!

    '

    Oh God! I wish I would have thought about that.

    Of course my other favorite was the monitor that didn't work, the contrast was turned all the way down. I left that schools tech a nasty note for wasting my time.
     

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