Dear Abby: I am a crack dealer in Memphis who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Knoxville and one of my sisters, who lives in Nashville, is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently in jail. I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Parchman for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994.The other brother is currently being held in the Arkansas Remand Center on charges of sexual misconduct with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Atlanta and is still a part time "working girl" in a brothel. All things considered, my main problem is this. I love my fiance' and look forward to bringing her into the family and I certainly want to be totally honest with her. Should I tell her about my cousin who goes to college Vanderbilt? Signed, Worried About My Reputation
Dear Worried About Your Reputation, No need to be worried about your reputation because you don't have one. If your fiance works in a brothel, there's nothing to be ashamed of.... in North America this kind of work is known as "government". As for your cousin, don't bother introducing your fiance to her. As soon as she graduates from Vanderbilt, you'll never see her again. regards, Revaldo (working on Number 5)
Dear Worried About Your Reputation: There is a quick and easy solution to your problem. Have your cousin transfer to Kennedy-Western University. This way, your cousin can earn a college degree and still make the family proud. Abby
Dear Abby: Things are looking better now. My cousin has decided to just claim a degree, and not tell any of us where it is from. Worried about my reputation
Dear Worried About Your Reputation: That was very wise of your cousin. Who knows what your family would do if they had access to that information. However, given your family’s history, I am sure that they will continually hound and harass your cousin in an attempt to have him or her divulge this information. If he or she is smart, your cousin will keep this personal information private. Abby
