An email making the rounds from firends: ----- Forwarded by Michael Willmann/US/GM/GMC on 02/12/2003 09:29 AM ----- Dear Dad, A funny thing happened to me yesterday at CampBondsteel (Bosnia): A French army officer walked up to me in the PX, and told me he thought we (Americans) were a bunch of cowboys and were going to provoke a war in Iraq. He said if such a thing happens, we wouldn't be able to count on the support of France. I told him that it didn't surprise me. Since we had come to France's rescue in World War I, World War II, Vietnam, and the Cold War, their ingratitude and jealousy was due to surface, again, at some point in the near future anyway. I also told him that is why France is a third-rate military power with a socialist economy and a bunch of faggots for soldiers. I additionally told him that America, being a nation of deeds and action, not words, would do whatever it had to do, and France's support, if it ever came, was only for show anyway. Just like in ALL NATO exercises, the US would shoulder 85% of the burden, and provide 85% of the support, as evidenced by the fact that this French officer was shopping in the American PX, and not the other way around. He began to get belligerent at that point, and I told him if he would like to, I would meet him outside in front of the Burger King and whip his ass in front of the entire Multi-National Brigade East, thus demonstrating that even the smallest American had more fight in him than the average Frenchman. He called me a barbarian cowboy and walked away in a huff. With friends like these, who needs enemies? Dad, tell mom I love her, Your loving daughter Mary Beth ( last name, Johnson, LtCol, USMC)
Unjustified Snobbery from the French ? Those damned French!!! We're always sweeping up behind their messes!!! And then they bite the hand that feeds them!!! That's typical of unjustified snobbery. If we didn't bail out the French, then who would?
not sure who wrote this, or if its accurate, but it is funny.... The Complete Military History of France Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2,000 years of French history, France is conquered by, of all things, an Italian. Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman. Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. The Dutch War - Tied. War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three non-outright defeats in a row cause historians to correctly label the period as the height of French military power. War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The war also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "Gaulle Syndrome," and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: France only wins when America does most of the fighting. French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunken frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the lyrics for "Deutschland Uber Alles." War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu. Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare: We can always beat the French. This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. War on Terrorism - Surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
"hoax" yes, but...! Thanks fo the reminder...The "urban legend" rebuke last October sounds right (Paul Harvey?), and the snopes rationale for debunking is not unlikely to be unsound. However, at the same time, would not a US officer in such a position want to be anonymous? And hasn't its relevance to current diplomatic struggles increased? Has not Hans Blix himself said that thousands of WMD have not been accounted for by Iraq as required, while at the same time the facts do not move nations to live up to their words? One blogger in France says that fewer French demonstrated against war Sunday than were marching over retirement benefits just a couple of weeks ago, in worse weather! --Orson
