Bear, Cop, and Lawyer Story

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussions' started by Gus Sainz, Oct 7, 2002.

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  1. Gus Sainz

    Gus Sainz New Member

    A very wealthy lawyer retreated for several weeks each year to his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Every summer, he would invite one friend or another to stay with him there for a week or two.

    One summer he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to visit him. The friend, happy to get anything free from a lawyer, eagerly agreed. When the time came, they spent a wonderful time, getting up early every morning and enjoying the great outdoors.

    One morning, as the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were picking raspberries and blueberries for their breakfast, they were approached by two huge bears—a male and a female.

    The lawyer noticed them in time to run for cover. His friend, however, was not so lucky. The male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.

    Seeing this, the lawyer ran back to his Mercedes and raced for the nearest town to get the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his high-powered rifle and raced back to the berry area with the lawyer. All the while, he was plagued by visions of lawsuit from his friend's family. He just had to save his friend.

    Luckily, the bears were still there. "He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing to the male.

    The sheriff looked at the bears, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and shot the female.

    "What did you do that for?" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in the other bear!"

    "Exactly," replied the sheriff. "Would you believe a lawyer who told you that the Czech was in the male?"
     
  2. me again

    me again Well-Known Member

    Check's in the mail!

    .
     
  3. John Bear

    John Bear Senior Member

    At our summer dance camp in the Sierras, there was a Bear Alert Notice posted. It said that bears had been seen in the vicinity, and that hikers should carry little jingly bells and pepper spray. It went on to say that it was useful to know if a nearby bear was a less harmful Black Bear or a more dangerous Grizzly Bear. It suggested that the way to know which was nearby was to examine their droppings. Black bear droppings contain nuts, berries, and twigs. Grizzly bear droppings contain little jingly bells and pepper spray.
     
  4. Dennis Ruhl

    Dennis Ruhl member

    Around here the jingly bells are called dinner bells for bears.

    The hats of British guards regiments are made of Canadian black bear fur.

    When Labour was elected in England they talked of switching to synthetic fur.

    Since the English liked bears so much I thought we should generously donate 1,000 grizzlies and 10,000 black bears to roam free. Bears are like rats around here, 800 pound rats.

    We could throw in 1,000 cougars and 10,000 wolves and the English could truly enjoy nature, hopefully as much as nature would enjoy them. I really don't enjoy living in the vicinity of large carnivores.
     
  5. Michael Lloyd

    Michael Lloyd New Member

    I have been an avid backpacker, snowshoer and cross-country skier for many years, primarily in the Oregon and Washington state Cascade mountain range.

    A year or two ago, Backpacker magazine published some research done by the US Forest Service demonstrating that pepper spray actually served as a bear attractant.

    Clearly, this is the type of research best done by distance learning. The more distant from the bear, the better.

    Regards,

    Michael Lloyd
    Mill Creek, Washington USA
     
  6. Mike Albrecht

    Mike Albrecht New Member

    I like pepper on my meat also.

    An oil refinery I work at in Northern California (Benicia) is locted in a hilly area, that is known to have cougars roaming some of the outling areas (old Army ammunition storage area with roads and buried bunkers). Last year a mother and cub(?) were spoted wandering around the bunker area. Security posted a notice informing all that it was a safety violation to bother the cougar, personnally I thought it was just dumb (bothering a mother cougar and cub). Also anyone bothering them may be trying for the Darwin Award, and we should give them the opportunity to improve the gene pool.
     

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