My new spot

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussions' started by Kizmet, May 24, 2016.

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  1. Kizmet

    Kizmet Moderator

    We all have out individual retirement plans. Mine, of course, is to take all my hard-earned DL knowledge and create a degree mill which will create enough wealth so that I can retire in a manner fit for a Princess of Nigeria. I've got it all figured out except, "Where do you put it?" The US is out and as you go down the list it becomes disturbing. It's not like the old days where a P.O. Box in Wyoming was all you needed. I mean, you can't even go to Libya anymore. But finally I think I've found it, my degree mill haven, Transnistria.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transnistria
     
  2. Bruce

    Bruce Moderator

    Great!

    You should also consider Sealand;

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Principality_of_Sealand
     
  3. SteveFoerster

    SteveFoerster Resident Gadfly Staff Member

    Come on, the good ol' U.S. of A. is still a perfectly good place from which to run a degree mill! :usa:
     
  4. Kizmet

    Kizmet Moderator

    It's too hard to bribe people now. Once upon a time it was enough to slip an envelope across the table in some quiet diner. Now it's all about wire transfers to offshore accounts using multiple anonymizing proxies and quantum encryption software. It's almost enough to make me consider going legit. Almost.:masked:
     
  5. Johann

    Johann Well-Known Member

    Transnistria? OK. I thought for a minute you meant Istria. Nah! Couldn't be! I've seen that flag in my neighbourhood. Nice folks!

    Istria County (Croatia)

    Still, a goat might make a nice mascot for your "school." :smile:

    Speaking of DI days long gone - What about Hutt River province -- or Seborga?

    J.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 25, 2016
  6. Johann

    Johann Well-Known Member

    Well, if you're going to stick with Transnistria, I might still be interested in a deep-discount doctorate.

    "University of the Pridnestrovian Moldavian Republic" has such a majestic ring to it. Or you could go ethnic.
    "Universitatea din stânga Nistrului," using the term Romanians have for the region. "University of the Left Bank." :smile:

    When you create the school, I'll set up an equally impressive-sounding accrediting organization, if you like. :smile:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 26, 2016
  7. Maniac Craniac

    Maniac Craniac Moderator Staff Member

    I've heard that their Beefstroganoffian School of Business really forces you to use your noodle by trimming the fat out of their courses. The student body is often criticized for being too saucy, but it's only because they have so much on their plates.
     
  8. Johann

    Johann Well-Known Member

    Kizmet - I have a marketing-type question. I really want your enterprise to succeed, so you can live according to the standards of a Royal Nigerian Princess. So, how will your school differentiate itself from other degree mills? Most of them will grant degrees in practically anything, print fancy diplomas, cockamamie transcripts, "verify" degrees etc. So what can I (or anyone else) get from your degree mill that we couldn't get from SO many others?

    Man, the competition in that field is a killer! They're ALL thinking, thinking, thinking about how to eat your lunch, 24/7! :shock: Do you anticipate some kind of niche market? Old-fashioned people who insist on diplomas written in Latin, perhaps? Yeah - I'd like that! Oops... :smile:

    J.
     
  9. Kizmet

    Kizmet Moderator

    Well, it's all still in the planning phase of course but there are some bullet points I can share. As you suggested, it starts with the diploma. We offer it in a choice of fonts but also in a choice of languages. Also, we offer unlimited lifetime diploma replacement. So, if in some unfortunate interview accident your diploma is destroyed, we will replace it free of charge. Now, as for transcripts, we all know the "18 credits to teach" idea right? Well, you can tell us how you want your credits designated. Do you want that course designated as History or Literature? Math or Stats? Management or Accounting? Get it? Plus, there is the option to obtain multiple versions, just in case. But we're not done yet. Not by a long shot. Not only will we give you a special phone number, snail mail and email addresses that you can use for degree verification, we have, as a part of an upgraded package, full contact info for an office at the Transnistria Ministry of Education so that any questions regarding the university's accreditation can be answered by a person of authority. Now, do you think we're done? Be serious Johann we're just getting warmed up. We also offer peripheral supporting documentation. Course syllabi, letters of recommendation from Professors are all part of the standard package. Other option packages make available documentation of residencies, internships and teaching assistanceships. Satisfied yet? Well don't be, because there's more. Any school can create a good looking website. We've all seen them, the impressive building, the smiling students sitting in classrooms or on impeccably manicured lawns. But we can put you into those pictures. That's right, you provide the selfie and we'll insert it into the website. Did you say graduation? OK, how about photos of you at the graduation ceremony, in full regalia. And . . . and . . . how about the regalia itself. That's right the funny hat (with tassle), the hood (appropriate color) and the gown. The full regalia package so that when you're a faculty member in your next career, you can REPRESENT when you have to appear at special functions. And if you order now, your dissertation, plagiarized from a genuine Russian university, will be available from the ProQuest corporation. So Johann, that's the first take on the mill of the future. Further upgrades are anticipated but they are all technology driven, virtual reality tours of the campus, streaming holograms of your dissertation defense, things like that.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 27, 2016
  10. Johann

    Johann Well-Known Member

    Wow! Colour me impressed! I'm in! As for the regalia, I wear size 42 regular ...or can I buy an upgrade to bespoke? :smile:

    J.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 29, 2016

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