What an impossible situation to be in: https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/just-because-im-on-welfare-doesnt-mean-i-need-to-162023195.html Makes you think. How can a man leave his family like that? It wasn't enough that he left, be he stuck her with his debt! Abner
If I could speak to her, I'd say that much of what she thinks people are saying is part true- people are judging her, but so what? Not all judging is negative (giving someone a compliment is a form of judgement) and even if it is, acquiring thick skin will pay off in life. Furthermore, smooth sea never made a skillful sailor.
Unfortunately, Abner, such situations are - as I see it - far too numerous. Many jurisdictions - your side of the border and mine - have "Deadbeat Parent" sites. You may have seen them. Here in Canada, there's about $13.7 BILLION in back child support owed. And being stuck with an ex-partner's debt is a too-common problem. It seems Provincial agencies often lack the needed resources to track down the parents who refuse to pay. If their ex-spouses can find them and their assets/income (if they're not working "under the table" as they often are) then MAYBE something gets done - till the delinquent parent disappears yet again... It's very, very sad. Acquiring a thick skin? OK, but that doesn't make what she's going through right. I say this as a guy who took that same walk, but assumed financial responsibility - for the next 15 years. I'm not saying that makes me any type of hero. But I guess those who don't shoulder their responsibilities pay for their default in another, non-financial way. At least, 38 years after walking out the door, I can still face my kids (and grandkids) and enjoy time with them. J.
Of course it's not right, but you have 2 choices in life as I see it. (1) Either get a thick skin or (2) speaking up for yourself. Seriously, confronting what someone might be thinking isn't the hill I'm going to die on; losing your cool isn't just about getting your say with the worker, it's about modeling behavior in front of your child. My money says save your public confrontation for when it matters....like if the employee said something to my 6 year old child about us using public assistance, then it's on, and in a big way. (as in we're going to administration immediately and this scumbag just became my whole hobby)
In the Western world "judging" is usually interpreted as "you don’t have the right to tell me I’m wrong", to silence critics. Much of her "being judged", as I read the article, she projects on others, without actually someone conveying such judgement to her. She makes same seriously sad comments ("The moment my kids and I appear to be anything other than poor, I am tossed to the side as nothing but a welfare scammer.") One might consider that she is either attempting to justify something, has psychological issues or both. Clearly she continues to collect welfare, so she is not thrown to the side. Society is taking care of her. I am quite jaded when it comes to such Western world troubles. Welfare system is woefully corrupt, and is abused by most. Much of this sounds like "woe is me". Live in a 900sqrt ft place for 11 people, no heat in -20C, "beans and rice" for weeks, hand-me-downs from oldest to youngest, secret police banging on the door and going through place any hour of the day, while everyone waits outside in the cold. And those were the middle class.:firedevil:
I should have been more clear. I was referring to her ex-spouse's failure to pay debts or support his children. Abner asked "how can a man leave his family like that." That's what can't be made right. I'm not against the advice to acquire a thick skin- at all. Indeed, she'll need that. And yes - I also agree that all welfare-type systems are open to gross abuse. I was a bill-collector for too many years and I've seen every kind of that abuse going. Back in the summer, one guy proudly told me on the bus that he can't live as he likes on his disability cheque so he does roofing (strenuous but well-paid occupation) under the table, to avoid detection. Made $56,000 last year, so he said! Lots like him! What does he do with his money? Well, he was taking home a case of beer, which costs an unbelievable $30+ here! J.
Indeed there are people who need welfare, be it from State or charity. I have seen some amazing people who had to go on the dole, took advantage and now back to and some are better off then before. It should be a temporary solution, not a career choice.
This is true. As a young bloke, I was able to get a job as Medi-cal case worker with my A.A. degree from Cypress College. Was there abuse? Sure, there is a abuse in just about any institution you can think of from the police, Wall street to Social Security. Many folks down on their luck applied and received benefits until they could rise from whatever turn in luck had befallen them. My most rewarding days on the job were when a recipient would call and say "Mr. X, I want to thank you for your assistance, but I am working now and I have benefits, please terminate my case". Part of what makes America great, is that we have safety nets for those that cannot "lift themselves up by their boot straps" for whatever reason. We prop up the sick, old and infirm, and this is what makes me proud to be an American. This is what separates us from other countries and makes us great. If we are able to bail out banks, we should be able to help out citizens in need. On another note. Something interesting I observed during my case worker days. Most of the people that are "turned in" to the fraud division were reported by friends, neighbors and even family! I thought that was interesting. But that was MANY moons ago. Abner
