Got three copies of this in my e-mail today. So why all the fuss about Pooch's? "Minister Charles Simpson has the power to make you a LEGALLY ORDAINED MINISTER within 48 hours!!!! BE ORDAINED NOW! As a minister, you will be authorized to perform the rites and ceremonies of the church!! WEDDINGS MARRY your BROTHER, SISTER, or your BEST FRIEND!! Don't settle for being the BEST MAN OR BRIDES' MAID Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony. FUNERALS A very hard time for you and your family Don't settle for a minister you don't know!! Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony. BAPTISMS You can say "WELCOME TO THE WORLD!!!! I AM YOUR MINISTER AND YOUR UNCLE!!" What a special way to welcome a child of God. FORGIVENESS OF SINS The Catholic Church has practiced the forgiveness of sins for centuries **Forgiveness of Sins is granted to all who ask in sincerity and willingness to change for the better!! VISIT CORRECTIONAL FACILITIES Since you will be a Certified Minister, you can visit others in need!! Preach the Word of God to those who have strayed from the flock WANT TO START YOUR OWN CHURCH?? After your LEGAL ORDINATION, you may start your own congregation!! At this point you must be wondering how much the Certificate costs. Right? Well, let's talk about how much the program is worth. Considering the value of becoming a CERTIFIED MINISTER I'd say the program is easily worth $100. Wouldn't you agree? However, it won't cost that much. Not even close! My goal is to make this life changing program affordable so average folks can benefit from the power of it. Since I know how much you want to help others, you're going to receive your Minister Certification for under $100.00... Not even $50.00... You are going to receive the entire life-changing course for only $29.95. For only $29.95 you will receive: 1. 8-inch by 10-inch certificate IN COLOR, WITH GOLD SEAL. (CERTIFICATE IS PROFESSIONALLY PRINTED BY AN INK PRESS) 2. Proof of Minister Certification in YOUR NAME!! 3. SHIPPING IS FREE!!! *********************************************************************** LIMITED TIME OFFER: ORDER TODAY! SEND Only $29.95 US (CREDIT CARD, CASH, CHECK, OR MONEY ORDER) SHIPPING IS FREE!!! For Shipping OUTSIDE the US please add $11.00. To place your order merely fill out the following form and fax to 1-775-xxx-xxxx. If this line is busy, please try faxing to 1-775-xxx-xxxx. or mail to: Internet Information Services PO Box xxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (ALL ORDERS FILLED WITHIN 24 HOURS OF RECEIVING THEM) *Please allow 8 days to receive your certificate by mail. If you do not receive your order within 10 days, please send us a fax letting us know of the late arrival. We will then contact you to figure out why you have not received your order. ************************* Credit Card Order Form (Please print very clearly in dark ink) Name on Credit Card: Address: City/State/ZIP: Your email address: Your card will be charged $29.95 for your Ministers' Certificate. For Shipping OUTSIDE the US please add $11.00. Type of Card, circle one (Visa, MasterCard, American Express) Credit Card Number: Sorry, we do not accept discover. Date Credit Card Expires: Please tell us your phone Number: Please tell us your fax Number: To order by Check or Money Order: MAKE YOUR CHECK PAYABLE TO: Internet Information Services (Please Print Clearly Your Name and Address) Name: Address: City/State/ZIP: E-mail Address: Please tell us your phone Number: Please tell us your fax Number: (ALL ORDERS FILLED WITHIN 24 HOURS OF RECEIVING THEM) *Please allow 8 days to receive your certificate by mail. If you do not receive your order within 10 days, please send us a fax letting us know of the late arrival. We will then contact you to figure out why you have not received your order. Thank you for your business, XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX Fax to 1-XXXXXXXXXXXX. If this line is busy, please try faxing to 1-XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX "
Now I am really mad... I went to school all those years, when all I needed was to send this guy 30 bucks.... oh well... clint
Also, do you also get the approval to add the "-ah" sound at the end of important words, such as "Jesus-ah wants to-ah save-ah you-ah"??? I notice the advertisement seems to hint at that possibility. Become a M i n i s t e r - N o w A just wondering, clint
A chaplain I worked with thought that was a funny tendency among certain clergy. He called it the vacuum cleaner oratory. North "hah"
My dad (who served as a full-time minister for @30 years) always called it a "stained glass voice." He found it humorous (irksome??). clint
