A friend and I become friends with this one guy and he seemed really nice at first. But, we felt that he wasn't being honest with us about who he is and all. One day we were discussing male celebrities. My friend and I are both female. It was interesting that he was willing to discuss this topic. The thing that made us think that he wasn't being honest with us is that when we were discusiing male celebrities, my friend asked the question for all of us, "Who do you think is the hottest guy?" This male friend instantly answered right away, "Zac Efron." We both looked at each other in amazement and were surprised that if this guy isn't into guys that he would answer the question the way that it was phrased, and the male celebrity that he picked. We didn't say anything to him about it, but we decided to talk with some guys that we knew were 100% only into girls (straight) and when we posed the question the way that we did to him, they said that they couldn't answer the question the way it was phrased, but rather if they had to pick a good looking guy they mentioned Brad Pitt as the one that was the most common used name, or an action person. We thought that this was interesting. As we have had conversations with our guy friend he will make statements such as this guy is cute, hot, or sexy. When we have discussed this with girls and guys they have both said that it seems rather strange for a guy if their completely into girls to make such statements as indicated previously. One of his friends said that he was hanging out with him and he too became somewhat puzzled too. When he was with this guy he had heard him discussing about a girl and during the discussion this guy asked the other guy concerning the girl, "What does she see in her boyfriend, what is he cute?" He thought this was rather strange that he would ask such a question, and use the word "cute" in asking another guy a question, let alone, why would he ask such a question? He had brought this up to him later on, and he just said that he didn't remember asking that question, and would need to ask the guy that he was talking with whether or not he had in fact said it. We would like to get your opinions on this. What do you think?
My friend and I were simply trying to get others opinions on it was all. But, I see that no one is interested in contributing. We wanted to see if people had different views on it or agreed.
My opinion is that you are too afraid to ask your friend a direct question. This means you're not really his friend. Why are you coming on to a distance learning discussion board looking for solutions to your high school social problems?
I apologize that I didn't let you know that we asked him about the question and he gives conflicting info. One time he claims to be straight and other times he says something completely different. He says that if he were out of town and his family and friends weren't around that there would be a 40% chance that he would do something with another guy. Then, he reverts back and says that he doesn't like guys. Recently, he answers that he is "sexual." Also, he has had girlfriends in his life but he treats them horribly. He will give more attention to his friends than he does his girlfriend. She is starting to think that there must be a reason as to why he is acting so strangely and she wanted us to help with the situation as well. We're trying to be his friend and to let him know that we accept him any way that he is. We thought that perhaps posting on a place where educated people are that you could help us with your opinions or if someone else has had a similar experience. We know that sometimes people don't always reveal who they are because of afraid of rejection and so forth. But, we found it different that he would refer to guys as "cute, hot, or sexy" if he in fact is straight. We were hoping that some people could perhaps give some insight as to how they feel about it? And, we don't understand why he can't be honest with us with who he is and all?
Um, no offense, but this is a distance learning community. I think you'd get much better responses on a forum focused on LGBT and questioning people and issues. But to answer your question, from what you've said it seems near certain your friend is bisexual or gay. He may be attempting to come out to you by making those sorts of comments; it's a common way that many gay guys test the waters with their friends (particularly female friends) they think might be open to them. If you want some support resources for you or your friend to discuss this further, PM me and I can send you some links. There aren't a lot of really good support sites out there (most tend to be very cruisey or porn-filled) but I know of a couple.
Chips hit the nail on the head I think...show him thats its ok and see how he reacts to you. He might just be looking fo r some support.
As an aside, yes, overall this is a distance learning forum, but this is in the off-topic section, and other people have posted all sorts of irrelevant threads here, myself included. I think of this place as a community of people who share the common interest of distance learning, but who are also a very diverse collection of intelligent people whose answers even on other topics can be worthwhile.
I posted this to the off-topic section as it wasn't related to distance learning. The intended purpose was to get some opinions and feedback on it as this guy friend hasn't been honest with us. From what I can understand much of it has to do with how a person looks at something. Just like a person who drinks a lot (alcoholic) that person could literally have a drink in front of them and even though it's clearly visible to everyone else and they can see it unless the person who has the issue is willing to admit it there's nothing that you can do to make a person admit or state who they are unless they are willing to. This person will make statements and even though we hear them and tell him about it he will state that he doesn't remember making the statement and the thing is he is probably aware of who he is and all but he doesn't want to come to terms with it because of how others will react to it if he were to reveal who he is and all. We are his friends and we wanted to be there for him. The hard part is can you actually be a friend with someone who isn't willing to be honest about who they are? We initially thought it was just confusion and that he may not know right away but there have been other things that he has done that clearly show how he feels and who he really is. It is the actions speak louder than words saying. In other words, his actions show how he really feels but if someone were to ask him or question him on his actions he will say whatever to defend himself and one has to look at a persons actions as the signs of who and what they are not words.
