The Rapture is coming 5/21/11

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussions' started by Abner, May 19, 2011.

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  1. Abner

    Abner Well-Known Member

  2. b4cz28

    b4cz28 Active Member

    That's all I needed to hear....I'm using my cash for beer and a jetski.
     
  3. Lukeness

    Lukeness Member

    Oh no... not again!
     
  4. Kizmet

    Kizmet Moderator

    Hey Abner! What are you going to wear to the rapture? I know that some people will go the traditional route with the white robes but I think I'm going to wear my ninja outfit.
     
  5. Ted Heiks

    Ted Heiks Moderator and Distinguished Senior Member

    I thought the end of the world was slated for 2012 per the Maya calendar.
     
  6. perrymk

    perrymk Member

    Wouldn't it be ironic if the rapture did come as predicted and this guy wasn't part of it?
     
  7. Abner

    Abner Well-Known Member

    I am trying to decide between my black Shaolin Kenpo Gi, or my Iai Hakama. Then again, my traditional Chinese garb is beautiful and stylish as well.

    I will be ready tomorrow morning. I heard some guy talking about the rapture, and he claims a bus will come down from heaven to take us up to meet to the happy hunting grounds. :) Don't miss that bus.

    Abner :)
     
  8. StefanM

    StefanM New Member

    I don't know what I would wear, but I have visions of AUTiger00 in a Harvard crimson gown with his Vanderbilt diploma under his left arm and a 12 carat diamond engagement ring (bought with cash, mind you!) in his right hand, all the while riding a golden motorcycle powered by a hybrid engine that burns a mixture of the ashes of online MBA diplomas and the blood of welfare recipients.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 19, 2011
  9. AUTiger00

    AUTiger00 New Member

    People at work are staring at me I'm laughing so hard. Touche. But there was no mention of my Auburn Diploma, 12 carats seems a bit small, and Tiger doesn't ride motorcycles (it's a diamond encrusted Z71 Tahoe). The engine will only run on the ashes of for-profit online MBA programs and the plasma of welfare recipients, not blood.
     
  10. StefanM

    StefanM New Member

    And it will get 45 miles per credit hour! Nice touch on the plasma. It's a part of your welfare-to-work program. It simultaneously solves the welfare issue and dependence on oil.

    AUTiger00 for President! (If the world doesn't end, that is.)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 19, 2011
  11. AUTiger00

    AUTiger00 New Member

    45 miles per credit hour screams of energy conservation which clearly I could never support, it's 3 miles to the diploma.

    AUTiger00/Guy Who Shot bin Laden '12
    Campaign Slogan: No You Can't!
     
  12. StefanM

    StefanM New Member

    A better slogan: "Trust me; I went to Harvard."
     
  13. AUTiger00

    AUTiger00 New Member

    I like it. But then again, our last two presidents both went to Harvard and tons of people hate each of them. They also went to far more prestigious schools inside Harvard, I don't think my pedigree stacks up.

    How about this: "Listen to me, I'm more educated than 98% of you...and the two percent that are as educated as me have degrees from inferior schools....oh, and my running mate shot bin Laden, now that's a guy you can trust!" I think it is kind of catchy.
     
  14. SteveFoerster

    SteveFoerster Resident Gadfly Staff Member

    Maybe not. It didn't work for Michael Ignatieff.

    -=Steve=-
     
  15. StefanM

    StefanM New Member

    But he's a Canadian. There's your problem. And a member of the Liberal Party. Might as well have graduated from Leningrad State University. And I'm fairly certain he hasn't caused Section 8 housing to spontaneously combust by his mere presence. AUTiger00 has done that. Twice.

    In fact, AUTiger00 is so conservative, he doesn't use shampoo. Why? He doesn't want to apply anything liberally, except for bullets....and tax deductions. He simply pulls up his odor by his bootstraps. Anyone who doesn't like his musk is simply too lazy to appreciate it. You need to EARN your odor like a real American.
     
  16. AUTiger00

    AUTiger00 New Member

    Laughing at my desk again. Stefan is right, a Canadian Liberal Party member isn't even really a person, they are soulless creatures. You could technically kill them and not be committing a crime.
    And I do use shampoo, it is made from the tears of welfare babies. Fantastic stuff if you can afford it.
    Oh, and it happened again this morning on my way to work. Count is up to three.
     
  17. StefanM

    StefanM New Member

    It's Tiger and Tiger Brand: "No more tears (because you've learned to suck it up and stop the self-pity)".
     
  18. AUTiger00

    AUTiger00 New Member

    After discussing this with my consultant, likely the most pompous Harvard MBA student that still happens to be in the building this week because most have traveled to some other country before returning for commencement next week, it has been determined that I should pursue a degree from a lowly regional state school in order to appear to better relate to my constituents. In that vain I have decided to pursue a degree from UMass-Boston via distance (because Tiger doesn't venture to that part of town), I need 42 credits, but it's from a state school so i should be done by mid-July.
     
  19. StefanM

    StefanM New Member

    I thought schools like that offered degrees via Life Experience. Surely Tiger has done enough to finish up by the end of this month. I mean, all you would have to submit is a semi-coherent porfolio. Three paragraphs should work. Just print it on linen paper, and they will be so impressed that they will just give you a PhD.
     
  20. AUTiger00

    AUTiger00 New Member

    If the degree was an M.S. in Woman Satisfaction Tiger could have the degree awarded by close of business today based on life experience. When he isn't belittling the disenfranchised or working to eliminate Affirmative Action and Title IX for women's athletics, you can bet he's satisfying the ladies.
     

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