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  1. #1
    John Bear is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2001
    Location
    The bluest city in the bluest state
    Posts
    6,174

    The Night Before Christmas

    I posted the following nine years ago today, when this forum was new and I actually had some spare time. I had really hoped to update it -- maybe next year -- but really, not all that much has changed. A slightly revised cast of characters, but the problems, if anything, have grown worse. Happy holidays from John

    The Night Before Christmas

    'Twas the night before Christmas,
    When all through the forum
    Not a creature was stirring,
    We couldn’t get a quorum.

    School wish lists were hung by the chimney with care,
    In hopes they’d be found to be good by John Bear.

    The fast degree seekers were snuggled in bed,
    Improbably having wild dreams of Tom Head,
    While Chip in his kerchief, George Brown in his cap,
    Were staying alert, trying hard not to nap.

    Then out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
    They rose from their desks to see what was the matter.
    And what to their wandering eyes should appear
    But a Flying Diploma Mill, pulled by reindeer.

    The little old driver had ethics from hell,
    So they knew in a moment it must be Les Snell.
    More rapid than eagles his colleagues they came,
    And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:

    Now Dasher, now Asher, now Pellar, LaSalle,
    Now Trinity, Earlscroft, and each evil pal,
    Now Harrington, Shelbourne, now Capitol, too,
    You’ll not make the lists of our friend Johnnie Liu.

    Down the chimney came Snell, with a terrible noise,
    And a stack of diplomas for bad girls and boys.
    The diploma mill sleuths poured like rain from the faucet:
    There’s Levicoff, Kirstin, and good old Bill Gossett,

    Tom Nixon, Rich Douglas, and Bruce Tait go forth,
    With Brunton, Contreras, Potgieter, and North,
    And Frangop, Nicole, Messrs. Gerstl and Wetsch,
    Riding up in pursuit of that miserable wretch.

    Bills Highsmith and Dayson and Huffman, there we go,
    And there’s Russell Morris, and his altar ego,
    And Sunnie and Ike, Caballero LaCaye,
    And others pursuing Snell’s terrible sleigh.

    Snell spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
    Putting time bombs in stockings, then turned like a jerk,
    And giving the finger, and thumbing his nose,
    He cackled, and then up the chimney he rose.

    The cops had been called, and they sent him to jail,
    Where he dreamed Maxine Asher would show up with bail,
    And the ‘good guys” exclaimed, all these excellent cronies,
    “A non-wonderful Christmas to all of the phonies.”

  2. #2
    Frangop is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Feb 2001
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Posts
    147
    Well done John. I hope that 2011 is a great year for you.

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