How to motovate a lazy friend.

I have this buddy of mine who is extremely intelligent, has the gift of gab, and if he applied himself, could know no bounds. However, every time I try to convince him to get back into school, he always has a million and one excuses as to why he can't do it.

I ride him constantly, because he could achieve so much if he would just get off the sidelines and give it a shot. I've know this guy since high school, and he has many things going for him, but he is always full of excuses. Its a frustrating matter because I want him to succeed.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

 

Yeah, I hear what your saying. Its just difficult because I quit speaking to him about school around a year ago, and just recently he was injured on-the-job and the state is going to pay for him to be re-trained and put him through school.

So he contacted me about a month ago and told me he was ready to go back to school, and asked for me to point him in the right direction. So I began giving him tips I learned along the way to expedite the process and I told him to begin knocking out his GE and decide on a major later on. That way he does make the same mistake I did by declaring multiple majors and wasting time.

So just as I begin to see a glimmer of hope, I tell him how to go about taking the math and english placement tests, making an appointment to see a counselor, and scheduling his classes. Its been a month and he still hasn't done a single thing, and when I ask him why, he told me he hasn't had the time to do it. WTF, HE ISN'T WORKING !! What do you mean you don't have the time.

Like I said, a million excuses.

 

I would argue debt to do so was a good reason if that was one putting out thousands of dollars with no assurance it would pay off is an issue for lots of people. This is no like many leading nations where such education is free or virtually so.

Going into debt for a good school to the amount of $60 - 100k for a bachelors degree is not good when one thinks about it and it could still be an issue is the state covering everything or will he need to take out loans?

Maybe he just doesn't care about school I for one don't put work first and don't want to and doing what other robots are doing to get along with the crowd, if that is the case he just is doing his own thing. I see people in suits in offices and working lots of hours and feel sorry for them. I made lots of excuses to inlaws and finally told them I don't care about making more money I have a good life and wife I love and kids I want to spend leisure time with. I even turned down promotions over this since I work 32 hours full time and get by that is enough "working" for me. I'm not lazy just work is not a priority I'd rather do other things like volunteering as a big brother that is important to me, assistant coaching girls softball is important to me - that is not.

 

I'm with you Thomas. Work is definitely not my first priority. These times don't really encourge the old work ethic when unions flourished (pre Reagan). Good union jobs used to pay decent, and allow a man to have his wife stay at a home raising the kids all on one salary. People remained loyal to their jobs to the death. On the other hands, companies still made hefty profits, so everyone was happy. Now, with no job security due to many factors like outsourcing oversees, etc., more people will do enough to get the job done, and that is it. Is this right? I don't know. How can you blame people though? When they work a job for a month or two then get replaced for cheaper labor. Progress? I think not. I would suggest the hero Reagan changed an entire lifestyle for the worst. Definitely not my hero.

I know I am way off track. Please go on with the discussion. Good for you for getting your priorities straight!


Abner

 

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have you ever had a friend from a different religion try and get you to attend their church? It's like that. It colors your relationship, and not for the better. It makes your friend feel as if he is being judged by you. Just do your own thing, if the time comes that he ASKS for your help, then you can offer. To offer when someone hasn't asked, is a little too pushy.
The world is full of unrealized potential, and I'm not insulting your friend, I think we all know people like this. It just goes to show that being smart isn't the key to making your way in this world, it's motivation and hard work. (I'm proof of that!! LOL)

 

I know you said this guy is outgoing and brilliant, etc. Has he ever mentioned feeling down? Sometimes depression is masked by a joke maker, center of the party type personality. However, when the person is alone, depression mainifests itself in the form of self hate, self worthlessness, self centeredness, etc. Usually this type of person can be outgoing at a party or with friends, but when he is alone, his inner voice will tell him he is not good enough for school, so why even try? It will also tell him he is stupid, and do people really think he is as smart as he seems?

Just something you may want to ask him about.

Abner

 

I'm his friend, not his Therapist. Is someone taking a Psychology class, lol.

I'm ex-military and so is he. The way we motovate each other is by a swift kick in the ass, which is perfectly acceptable in veteran social circles, lol.

 

I'm with you.

 

Then he is lucky to have a good friend.

Abner

 

Thank you for recognizing that I'm trying to due right by my buddy. He needs a swift kick in the ass, because if the roles were reversed, I would expect the same thing. Veteran friends have a little brother relationship; you can pick on your little brother, but if someone else does, they've got a fight on their hands. This reminds me of a joke I once heard; "A civilian buddy will tell you you've had to much to drink and tell the Bartender to cut you off. A veteran friend will tell you to stop being a pussy and quite spilling your drink.

I've known this guy since we were 15. I wouldn't push the issue if I didn't care, and I wouldn't continue to push the issue if he hadn't asked me for advise. But now that he has, I'd like to see him succeed and stop making excuses.

 

I agree, your friend has a good friend.

While motivation comes from within it can be helped along its way. A good kick in the ass might work for a day but soon the sting fades. In the area of education, where sustained effort is required, ass-kicking will not be enough.

Read up on these topics and refine you technique:

Motivational Interviewing Page

Transtheoretical model - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Best wishes to you and your friend.

 

If the GE is a stumbling block, you may not be aware that he can perhaps just skip that and instead go straight to community college. At least here in California that is a good option. Once you earn an Associate of Arts degree then you can get into a Bachelor degree program.

 

Speaking of X-military and a kick in the ass....

YouTube - R. Lee Ermey GEICO Commercial - Therapist Sarge