What the hell? Burglar wakes men with spice rub, sausage attack The Associated Press Last Updated 4:05 pm PDT Sunday, September 7, 2008 FRESNO, Calif. -- Fresno County authorities have arrested a man they say broke into the home of two farmworkers, rubbed one with spices and whacked the other with a sausage before fleeing. Fresno County sheriff's Lt. Ian Burrimond says 22-year-old Antonio Vasquez of Fresno was found hiding in a nearby field wearing only a T-shirt, boxer shorts and socks. Burrimond said Vasquez was arrested after deputies found a wallet containing his ID at the ransacked house just east of Fresno. The victims told deputies they awoke Saturday morning to the stranger applying spices to one of them and striking the other with an 8-inch sausage. Burrimond said money allegedly stolen in the burglary was recovered. The sausage was tossed away by the fleeing suspect and eaten by a dog. That must have been one happy dog. What I want to know is why the dude was spicing the guy? Was he going to make some Hanibal Lecter stew? I wonder if he had some cilantro, Tabasco and tortillas ready? Of course, the stew would not be complete without a ice cold Caballito orange soda, bien sabrosa! The questions abound. Abner
The body rub and the sausage, along with the fact that the intruder had removed his pants (containing his wallet and ID, one presumes) suggests a homosexual theme to me. Did the intruder pick these two guys at random? Or did he already know at least one of them from somewhere? My guess is that there's more to this story, that it's some kind of sexual fantasy gone seriously wrong. Maybe the intruder has psychiatric problems or something.
>> What an exciting story!! Do you have any idea how long it's been since my charcuterie class? YEARS! Wow....maybe the suspect is one of my old chef instructors from back in the day. Ya know what they say about people who spend too much time in a classroom with a huge smoker and a bin of nitrate? Yah, you can guess....All set up for a psychotic break. Yet I still have to wonder.....was he a fennel seed, thyme, and oregano guy? Maybe he was old school and used coriander and anise? Oh! Maybe he is the zesty type and went for the cayenne and white pepper blend..... Perhaps someone should follow the dog for a few hours?
This happened here in our community (the Fresno, CA area). It was a lot of fun watching the local TV reports about this. I have rarely seen news anchors have to work so obviously hard at maintaining their composure as when this story was reported. This community struggles with a lot of really serious crime. This story was a rather funny and refreshing departure from the norm!
A few years back I drove through a little back road in Fresno, it was one lane each way. All I remember was there were trees every where. As I was driving, this guy had a trailer that doubled as barbeque pit on the side of the road. He was selling trip tip, beans and tortillas for $5.00 a plate. Of course, as soon as I smelled that tri tip, I had to immediately pull over and eat at a little picnic table the guy set up under a tree. Damn, that was the best tri tip I have ever had. I have eaten at some pretty expensive restaurants, and none came close to the guys trip tip. If I ever go back, I am going to make damn sure there are no pantless dudes running around with spicy sausages or chorizos. No gracias. Abner
I'm from the UK where a little flagellation of strangers with grilled goods is deemed perfectly acceptable.
