Why Do People Without Kids Talk Incessantly Aboput Their Dogs?

This is a totally bigoted commentary about people without kids but with animals.

They talk on and on about their dogs or cats or what-have-you; they anthropomorphize every little thing they do; they ascribe real human thought to their very animalistic qualities. "Oh, she's so cute, Fifi was trying to trick me." No she wasn't, she can't understand the concept of tricking you, she's a schnauzer!

We have a friend visiting for the weekend from out of state. She's kind, educated, bright. She's an educator in a major metro area. She owns her own house. She has organized city-wide events for this major metropolis. She can be quite interesting.

Yet she chooses to spend her energies discussing her dogs. We're spending the morning discussing her dogs' plights in obedience school. One did quite well, the other flunked. Quite a controversy, real concern, like she's not going to get admitted to puppy Harvard. She might be forced into exploring other options, like puppy UoP. Gasp!

Bah humbug!

Now you might suggest that we marrieds with children prattle on and on about our children--and we do. But at least there there's something of importance: a child may grow up to save the world--or destroy it.

Kitty grows up pretty much to lick itself.

 

True. Pretty much the same thing new mothers do with their babies.

Yeah . . . pretty much the same, metaphorically speaking, that humans do.



marilynd

 

The only thing I'd take exception with is the notion that you can't anthropomorphize what a baby does. Of course, they are anthropomorphic.

And I actually think those little turkeys think a great deal like we do as adults and of course experience the same complex range of emotions--and often deal with them in the same ways. I can pretty much draw a straight line between my child's behavior and tendencies from day one (and even from the womb!) and their tendencies and preferences much later on. And I don't think it's all just confirmation bias.

 

You can't anthropomorphize babies as babies. You can anthropomorphize babies as adults, acting as if they had the mentalities and behaviors of adults. People do this all the time; sometimes with banal consequences, sometimes with dire consequences.

And I think you are confusing thinking (cogitation) with emotion. There's no question that babies emote. So do schnauzers. Do we know what they THINK? Do we know when they start THINKING? I doubt it, since they cannot communicate their thoughts. Just like schnauzers.

Ergo, babies are just cute schnauzers that grow up to become human beings.

[Do you feel someone pulling on your leg . . . just a little?]



marilynd

Now is the winter of our discontent,
Made glorious summer by this son of York . . .

 

Perhaps they believe in reincarnation and think their dogs are their dearly departed relatives.

 

Oh my. Those must be dearly departed relatives who had some seriously bad karma working on them.

Jack

 

Cats and dogs are the children of childless people.

 

Oh, really? My mother used to believe that our black and white cat, Pussy Willow, was the reincarnation of my dearly departed maternal grandmother.

 

You leg puller, you! I was starting to get incensed: "Don't you say that about my little genius (I mean baby), etc. etc.". And then in the subtle blue tone you let the cat out of the bag.

You got me good!

 

I canopomorphize humans for what they do.

 

Years ago -- back in the mid- to late-'80s, as I recall -- Miami Herald columnist/humorist Dave Barry wrote about his dog sniffing around outside and doing dog stuff. He characterized his dog's "thoughts" as more along the lines of little whiffs of smoke that just sort of arrive in an extremely brief and eyebrow-furrowing moment, and then drift away on the wind before they can be fully processed. And he described his dog's brain in its little skull as something akin to a BB rolling around in a tuna fish can.

Seemed about right to me.

 

I like the cartoon with the human blabbing away to the dog and the dog hearing, "Blah, blah, blah, food, blah, blah, blah, walk, blah, blah..."

 

Yeah... let me think... that was from The Far Side, wasn't it? On the left was a guy talking to his dog and you could see his coherent sentences in the little balloon, and the caption beneath was something like "What humans say"; and on the right was the exact same cartoon, but in the baloon was "blah" for all words the human said except those a dog is likely to recognize like, for example (and as you suggested), "food" or "walk," and the caption beneath was something like "What dogs hear."

Yep. An oldie but a goodie.

 

It was The Far Side, but the only thing the dog recognized was its name. The text was something like "Ginger, Blah Blah Blah Blah Ginger".

 

Mine goes blah blah blah, Ball, blah, blah, blah Ball.....

 

Wasn't there also a follow up Far Side cartoon in the same vein, but with the dog replaced by a cat? If I recall correctly, the human was talking on the left side of the cartoon, and his word bubble was full, and the cat's bubble on the right side was completely blank. We all know cats don't listen to anything humans say.

I have to admit, I do treat my dog like one of my children. As my kids get older, they seem to need/want my attantion less (understandably) and continually question me, I hope in their quest to get better educated. My dog on the other hand still thinks I'm the smartest person EVER and she loves every idea I have.

S/F, Ryan IV

 

OK people, let's get this back on track. This was a really serious post where I was defaming and ridiculing people with animals. Let's get back to the topic at hand.

Aren't you amazed when pet owners have no qualms about giving Scruffy a bite of what they have to eat--like a sandwich--then blithely go on eating it themselves? Or--horrors--they actually kiss their little beast. Sometimes it's bordering on those kisses that two lovers exchange, deep, with tongues and stuff. It's all I can do to hold down my food.

Do these people know where Mitzie's mouth just was? And where it's been at about 8 second intervals for her entire life? And none of this nonsense about a dog's mouth being cleaner than a human's, blah blah. I don't care how "clean" her mouth is; the most sterile thing in the world becomes revolting once you rub it up and down a dog's rump a few times.

 

There was another Larsen cartoon titled, "The real story of D. B. Cooper." It showed a man parachuting into a circle of poised dogs on a Rottweiler farm.

 

I hate quality time, or, be still my soul.

Cynomorphize, not canopomorphize, unless you envision them as mummy-guts jars. Which, I suppose, is possible and actually has a certain strange charm.

OK, here's mine: parents in restaurants or in my field office (Barnes & Noble) loudly and incessantly correcting their kid for some fairly quiet misdeed. The kid isn't bothering anybody, but the loudmouth parents sure are. If I wanted to go to the opera I'd buy tickets.

(Another version of this is the guy blaringly lecturing some female to show how smart he is. He's not and she's not listening, but the rest of us sure are. Take a Viagra and SHUT UP.)

 

Intrusive cell phones

Here’s mine: People chattering on cell phones everywhere. They range from just being very annoying to being absolutely terrifying. It’s become hard to escape those who think nothing of broadcasting their half of a conversation to anyone within the vicinity, but the scariest are the ones who insist on yackin’ it up one the cell while trying to drive, probably talking about their dogs.