This is definitely off-topic, but I thought I'd tap the collective wisdom of degreeinfo. My mom passed away last Thursday. It was not altogether unexpected. She had been battling emphysema for nearly 20 years. Nevertheless, I am devastated. I lost my dad 11 years ago. That was bad. This seems worse. Just wondering if anyone has any words of advice, websites that help, books, tapes - anything. I know that time helps, but the present feels almost unbearable. Even though I gave lots of time to my mom, I have all the standard regrets: should have spent more time with her; should have visited more, called more etc. Slightly more on-topic - I have had to request a postponement of my next two classes with UoL, as I cannnot even begin to concentrate on my studies. Thanks everyone.
Tom, I can’t imagine your loss, though I know it will one day come. Don’t regret, just think back, it made me think of my Mom today. What is your most special moment that you can remember in your entire life? What is the funniest?..... I hope you laughed for at least a second. Though your studies are important, you should ponder two things. One, you priorities in life, and this may make you to take a leave. Two, the studies may help you take your thoughts away. I do not know which, as I have not experienced this loss. I hope the boards, as usual, will come through with some books, etc. May God help you though, and God Bless. P.S – This posting makes me think I take some things too serious, while others not serious enough. Thank you Tom for putting things in priority.
My mother died when I was almost exactly half-way through the Police Academy in 1988. I was 22 at the time. I know from personal experience that your pain is almost unbearable right now, but I promise you, this too shall pass. For about a year after her death, I'd dwell on the smallest things that I thought I could have done that might have saved her. I eventually realized that this was very counter-productive, and moved on with my life. Now, when something really good happens in my life (my children being born, for example), I think of my mother and smile, because I know she's looking on with approval.
My mom died about 9 years ago from pancreatic cancer. For a while after, whenever anything really good or bad happened to me, I'd pick up the phone to call her. Then I'd remember she wasn't there. I'm sorry for your loss - I know how hard it is. You only get one mom. The following was especially meaningful to me, and to some others I've since passed it to: There Is No Death There is no death. The stars go down To rise upon another shore, And bright in heaven's jeweled crown They shine forevermore. There is no death. The forest leaves Convert to life the viewless air; The rocks disorganize to feed The hungry moss they bear. There is no death. The dust we tread Shall change beneath the summer showers To golden grain or mellow fruit, Or rainbow tinted flowers. There is no death. The leaves may fall, The flowers may fade and pass away-- They only wait through wintry hours The warm, sweet breath of May. There is no death, although we grieve When beautiful familiar forms That we have learned to love are torn From our embracing arms. Although with bowed and breaking heart. With sable garb and silent tread, We bear their senseless dust to rest, And say that they are dead-- They are not dead. They have but passed Beyond the mists that blind us here, Into the new and larger life Of that serener sphere. They have but dropped their robe of clay To put a shining raiment on; They have not wandered far away, They are not "lost" or "gone." Though unseen to the mortal eye, They still are here and love us yet; The dear ones they have left behind They never do forget. Sometimes upon our fevered brow We feel their touch, a breath of balm: Our spirit sees them, and our hearts Grow comforted and calm. Yes, ever near us, though unseen, Our dear, immortal spirits tread-- For all God's boundless Universe Is Life--there are no dead. (By John McCreery)
Tom, please accept my condolences. I am fortunate that my parents are both still alive, although my mom seems to be slipping a little. I hope you have many fond memories to carry you forward. Kindest Regards,
Dear Tom, I am very sorry to hear about the passing of your mother. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. "O Time! who know'st a lenient hand to lay Softest on Sorrow's wound... On thee I rest my only hope at last... Yet ah! how much must that poor heart endure, Which hopes from thee, and thee alone, a cure." ---William Lisle Bowles, "Influence of Time on Grief"
I was at sea when my mother died (1995). It was a surprise. It hurt. It doesn't quit hurting. Let it hurt. It will make YOU a gentler, more compassionate person. Your mother would be pleased.
Tom, I feel your pain. I lost my grandma ( who raised me) in 1999 and it hurt soo bad I could taste it. It will eventually ease. The anger, the sorrow and the pain will ease my friend. It left such a hole in my family that it through all of us into a depression for 6 months. Remember the good times. We all ( the family) have a VHS cassette of her that we videotaped. That helps a bunch when one of us are sad. Just prey and it will pass.
Tom, I'm very sorry to hear of the passing of your mother. I lost my dad many years ago, my mom is still alive and well though. It took a long time to get over his death, but I am always consoled by the thought, and the spiritual reality, that he is actually still here with me, with the lessons he taught me and the kindness he showed to me all my life. The same for your mother and you, I am sure. You have my sympathy and best wishes, and you are in my prayers tonight. - Carl
Tom, my mother passed away in 1996 when I was 28. My father passed away a year later. She was 49, he was 58. My grandmother passed away last week at the age of 81. The only advice I can give you is to take things one day at a time until the pain and the empty feeling start to settle. I know it's cliche, but it's true. Keep busy! Always make sure you tell those around you that you love them, appreciate them, and value them. You never know when it will be too late to say those things. Try to enjoy the little things in life and spend time doing what you enjoy. You never know when the number of days ahead of you are fewer than those behind you. Make your peace with God, because you could be called next. I am very sorry for your loss. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. Pug
To Tom: Sorry to hear about the loss of your mother there, please note that many thoughts and prayers are being offered. To Han who posted: "This posting makes me think I take some things too serious, while others not serious enough." Wise words here from Han, Thank You for reminding all of us to ponder just such a thought at ALL times too. Billy
Tom Sorry to hear about your mom passing. I truly believe that while death is unbearable, nothing compares to when you lose your mother. This poem help me when I lost my mom. I hope you can find comfort in it as well. Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there, I do not sleep. I am the song that will never end. I am the love of family and friend. I am the child who has come to rest In the arms of the Father who knows him best. When you see the sunset fair, I am the scented evening air. I am the joy of a task well done. I am the glow of the setting sun. Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there, I do not sleep. (Do not stand at my grave and cry. I am not there, I did not die!
It's wonderful to read everyone's thoughts, as well as the poems and prayers. Thank you. I do realize that the hurt is exactly because she meant so much to me in life. If there were no pain, then I guess there wouldn't have been as much of a life. Thank you again.
