Change of Career?

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussions' started by flipkid, Jun 3, 2004.

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  1. flipkid

    flipkid New Member

    I had an interesting conversation with my wife this morning that provokes this thread. If any have some constructive advice I would appreciate it.

    My wife is thoroughly frustrated with her career at this point in life. She is 33. This seems to have two root causes. The first is that she is woefully compensated for her level of education currently. She has earned her BA in English with a minor in Spanish as well as a MA in Creative Writing. She has been teaching at some form on the collegiate/university level since the age of 21. Yet she makes approx 15,000 a year less than I do and you all know my story by now...so I won't rehash it. It appears she won't make what she wants or have the responsibility she desires unless she gets her PhD. However she can not get motivated about getting it because she is already frustrated. Nothing seems to excite her about it.

    Except this morning when we talked. I found out this morning that she really wanted to be a pediatrician. But when she took those first Chemistry classes early on she had no real support system and was failing the class miserably with numerous "issues" surrounding her at that time in her life...pregnant and unmarried, father of child totally unsupportive, home stress, church stress, etc. She felt if she stayed in pre med at that time she would never ever make it out alive...never graduate, thereby bringing more shame on the family, church, etc. (I did not know her at that time) So she was advised to change majors from pre med into English...an easier path and one that she was already good at. So she graduated with honors, received a full ride to Northern Iowa for graduate school but was unfulfilled within.

    Just before the birth of our last daughter two weeks ago she went to her weekly appointment and was seen by a Doctor she immediatly recognized from her undergrad days in New Orleans. He was two years behind her, and here he was in NC as a Doctor. This I think was the stimulus to pull the scab off the wound of these old feelings. I also recognize the role being post partum plays in her emotional state right now.

    When I mentioned the thought of her changing careers and going back to school to be a pediatrician if that is what she truly wanted her eyes lit up! Even though she muttered a few excuses I can see this would probably be the best thing for her. I do not see her getting her PhD in any other field because nothing is exciting her...she literally feels as if she has wasted her time in this field and got no reward.
    Now she is paying a lot of money back for student loans with degrees that she feels she is getting little utility out of professionally or personally. So why get a PhD in a field you are not happy in?

    So my question is...How can I help her transition from this career to the new one? It is what i would advise anyone else to do, and I am willing to put my future degree plans on hold a little while longer for her and my family. I plan on taking her to UNC and Duke on Monday but I am trying to get some ideas and strategies in my head first.

    Thanking You in Advance.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 3, 2004
  2. uncle janko

    uncle janko member

    Good for you, Flipkid. I have no specific advice, but I really applaud you and your wife. There are few more satisfying things than finding the means to take vengeance upon the frustrations of one's past and to proceed with the apparently unattainable.
    Beste wense to you both.
     
  3. flipkid

    flipkid New Member

    Thanks.
     
  4. Guest

    Guest Guest

    Your wife and family are very fortunate to have such an unselfish husband and father! No advice but the visits to UNC and Duke sound like good places to start. Best of luck!
     
  5. Jack Tracey

    Jack Tracey New Member

    There are school programs specifically designed for people who are returning to school in order to qualify for medical school. All the anatomy. physiology, organic chemistry, etc. To my knowledge these are not DL programs. Despite that, it can be done. It has been done. Your wife should consider scheduling an appointment with the admissions people at the local medical school (whatever that is) She should ask a million questions. There are other qualifications beyond simple academic qualifications. Just like getting into an Ivy League college, there are a lot of people with superlative grades, it's the extras that put you over the top.

    Here's a parting piece of wisdom I was given once upon a time: The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan. Good luck to your wife (and you),
    Jack
     
  6. Mike Albrecht

    Mike Albrecht New Member

    Good luck and best wishes, not trying is the only wrong choice.
     
  7. flipkid

    flipkid New Member

    I agree...that is what I told her.
     
  8. Dave Wagner

    Dave Wagner Active Member

    Clearly, she isn't doing something that she loves to do... and the meager compensation doesn't make up for that dissonance between the current career and the career she chose not to pursue. Med school and residency are huge commitments, so contacting career consulting services at her alma mater may be possible. Changing jobs in her current career might also be a possibility to improve the situation.

    Still, there may be another option. If this truly is dissonance and she is motivated to reduce the dissonance, then there are multiple avenues to pursue, in my view... Talk to people in the same career or read positive articles about the current career -- adding consonant elements to thoughts of the current career. Search for outside activities that are fulfilling to her to decrease the importance of the dissonant thoughts of the current career relative to her whole life experience. Talk to current pediatricians to get a feel for the sacrifice involved in pursuing the forgone career to remove some of the dissonance relative to the current career. Investigate the pay scales and treatment of pediatricians in HMOs to lower the importance of the dissonance between the current and forgone careers.

    Disclaimer: I'm not a psychologist but a business researcher who is doing research on the effect of cognitive dissonance on consumer behavior.

    Dave
     
  9. Dave Wagner

    Dave Wagner Active Member

    Clearly, she isn't doing something that she loves to do... and the meager compensation doesn't make up for that dissonance between the current career and the career she chose not to pursue. Med school and residency are huge commitments, so contacting career consulting services at her alma mater may be possible. Changing jobs in her current career might also be a possibility to improve the situation.

    Still, there may be another option. If this truly is dissonance and she is highly motivated to reduce the dissonance, then there are multiple avenues to pursue, in my view... Find a new job in her current career or take a fresh look at the current job to add consonant elements to thoughts of the current career. Talk to people in the same career or read positive articles about the current career -- adding importance to thoughts of the current career. Talk to current pediatricians to get a feel for the sacrifice involved in pursuing the forgone career to remove some of the dissonance relative to the current career. Investigate the pay scales and treatment of pediatricians in HMOs to lower the importance of the dissonance between the current and forgone careers or search for outside activities that are more fulfilling than career pursuit.

    In sum, there are four ways to reduce the dissonance over the perception that the "wrong" career was chosen:
    1. The current career is better than it seems
    2. The importance of my current career is more than I thought
    3. The forgone career is not as good as it seems
    4. The importance of the forgone career is less than I thought

    Disclaimer: I'm not a psychologist but a business researcher who is doing research on the effect of cognitive dissonance on consumer behavior.

    Dave
     
  10. flipkid

    flipkid New Member

    Thanks. I will relate this and your disclaimer as well to her. I have given her the option previously that if she found something in her current field that she wanted and it required us to relocate I would adjust and focus more on my writing and other things until other church employment became availible in the new locale. This was to try to address the financial disparity issue.

    It really seems that the lack of a PhD in her field is what is holding her back from getting a position that she might be satisfied with. The last job search (local) done this week turned up three English Professor/Creative Writing positions. All required PhD's, with one that would consider ABD. But since she is in a dissonant state currently she can not even fathom getting a PhD in her field.

    Also I do not know if I should say she "chose" the field. Rather she was pushed into it so that she would flunk out of an undergrad pre med major at a time in her life when life issues where truly overwhelming her with no support system to combat it. To flunk out would have added another cord of wood to an already raging fire of frustration and failure at that time in her life. At least this way (or so her counselors advised her) she would still graduate and the work load was easier to handle than pre-med.

    To quote my wife: Life is too short to go thru it half happy.

    To quote me: Failure will never overtake you if your desire to succeed is strong enough.
     
  11. Dr. Gina

    Dr. Gina New Member

    Similiar Story

    Flipkid,


    It's kind of funny, but I have a similiar story:


    I also started out as a pre-med major (with a full academic scholarship) intending to become a pediatrician. I also was a single mother who recieved no support from my son's father, nor interest in his care. In essence - he disappeared completely from my son's life. To add, my parents were in the process of a bitter divorce and my two younger teen (at the time) sisters were running wild. To support my son (and to help out in the home) I took on a full time job as a securities clerk an night with JP Morgan to help pay the bills and have insurance. I considered welfare, but I got totally turned off by how I was treated at the HRA office. My first year in school was very difficult - and found that I had no time to devote to the Studies of microbiology and chemestry and such. So here I was 18, single mother with a whole host of issues to deal with.

    I had then changed my major (with some thought and also advice from my school counselor) to psychology, which was easier to handle and which also interested me - with the hopes of working with children (or the Aged, they are just as fun) as a PhD Psychologist. I was not at risk of failing school - I was risking my physical and emotional health. I graduated with honors, and my first job was a counselor with Mentally retarded adults. I then got a job working with Autistic children as a caseworker, and fell into the field of social work. I then went, got my MSW and went to work in a hospital (the pay was better) got married, had another kid, and so on. Now here I am, just about your wife's age, working toward my PhD in Social Work.


    What is funny is that, at 18, I saw a true "doctor" only as an MD, and to make that change was very difficult for me at the time - I felt like I failed. Now, I know that I made the right decision and path in my life. What I am not happy about is the decision I need to make: My Dissertation theme (see earlier post by me) which is fustrating the hell out of me. Is it better to go for the theme with which I am most familiar? Or is it more appropriate for me to pick a theme that is more closely in line with my chosen profession? And then narrow it down to some workable topic? These two important, yet completely divergent issues have often plagued my thoughts. My fear is that my fustration will also overtake my motivation to complete my PhD, and I do not want that to happen. Do I still think about what my life would have been like as an MD - yes. I am reminded of it everyday when I go to work - I am a MD and you are a freekin Social Worker. Do I want to go back and become an MD - no, I see the profession as being to limited for me. I want to teach - that is my desire now- and to do research. I also want to get a DL degree in Mathematics, which was the other avenue I considered taking at that earlier moment in my life (the BA in Mathematics), but chose not to because It didn't interest me at the time. It's funny, though, I have done academically better than most of the people I went to school with (and even in my own family).

    My advice, If you can afford it, and if she truly wants it - let her go back to school. I have worked with a lot of MD's who are in their late 30's and 40's because they did just that.




    Boy, its amazing - looking back at what I wrote, I can't believe I am sharing all of this. I guess you guys really motivate me to do the strangest things!
    :D
     
  12. Dr. Gina

    Dr. Gina New Member

    Tell her to fight back her fears - there is nothing wrong with starting over. Besides, she will be a better (and more profitable) MD with her teaching experience - she will have a better bedside manner with her patients. Plus, many MD's are lousy writers, so she will have an edge there!






    Disclamer: I am not what I seem.....;)
     
  13. adireynolds

    adireynolds New Member

    You're marvelous, Flipkid!

    You asked how you could help your wife's transition. I think you already are, in the greatest way you can, by being so supportive.

    I've been doing for years what I didn't set out to do in life . . . teach English. I met my husband whilst working on my M.A. in Chinese Studies in grad school. He was planning on going back to the Middle East to teach once he finished his degree, and I loved him and wanted to marry him, so was willing to go, too. However, I didn't want to just sit around, unemployed, and figured I would, if I finished my master's. So, I dropped out of that program (and lost my assistantship), switched into Multilingual/Multicultural Education, and gained the credentials to be employed over here.

    It's been okay, but my heart's truly not in this field, and each year it's become more of a struggle to have any enthusiasm for my work. Finally, I decided enough was enough, and I had to change my own career to something I would love to do (I'm close in age to your wife, BTW -- 36).

    My husband has been incredibly supportive of me going back to school, and our future will be guided by my career. If I didn't have his love and support through all this, there's no way I could do it. But I do, and that will be the greatest thing that supports me to suceed.

    Your support and love for your wife will make the greatest difference, Flipkid . . . take it from a wife who knows!

    Regards,
    Adrienne
     
  14. boydston

    boydston New Member

    flipkid, I'd wait for six months before making any major decisions. Let the hormones recalibrate.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 4, 2004
  15. I totally agree. You are absolutely 100% correct. Anyone who does not agree must be a mill shill.
     
  16. flipkid

    flipkid New Member

    It would eventually come to that. Her current teaching workload is completed and she is off for the Summer with no promises of a contract or amount of classes for the fall semester. There are some at the college that want her her there full time in her department, but the administration is the ones dragging their feet.

    With nothing being currently offered in her field locally if she remained in her field she would have to either return to the public school system...she is not in favor of that and neither am I...or she would have to apply in a different geographical area which would mean relocation of the family. Unless she was going to make minimum what we bring in together at least until I could find something in either of my fields, or as a family we will willing to take a major income reduction we do not see this as a feasible option either. In spite of our passions, the bills still must be paid.

    So even if she did make this decision, and ultimatley it is her decision, we do not foresee her actually starting until Spring 2005 at best. We are still in the talking, praying and preparing stage.

    Thanks for the advice.
     
  17. David Williams

    David Williams New Member

    Flip - One alternative that your wife might want to consider would be a pediatric physician's assistant. My physician extender colleagues report they are trained to handle 80% of physician duties. The salary is good and in many settings PAs enjoy an enormous degree of autonomy. The training is two years v. time spent making up prerequisites+4 years med school+residency. If memory serves me, Duke had the first PA-C program in the country.

    David
     
  18. flipkid

    flipkid New Member

    Good idea. I will throw this against the wall as an option when we go to Duke on Monday.
     

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