Light humor for a rainy day in May

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussions' started by Mr. Engineer, May 28, 2004.

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  1. Mr. Engineer

    Mr. Engineer member

    > Dear Mr. and Mrs. G.H.W. Bush,
    >
    > Once again, it is that time of year when we update the parents of our
    > students on their child's progress, and we regret to inform you that
    > your son, Georgie, is not doing as well as we'd hoped and expected when
    he embarked on his four-year program at our school.
    >
    > As you are well aware, Georgie was installed as class president at the
    > start of the school year, despite the fact that the majority of his fellow
    > students did not vote for him. We foresaw problems immediately, but were
    assured by several school board members (who, as we understand it, are
    friends of your family) that this would not result in any real difficulty.
    > Unfortunately, they have been proven wrong.
    >
    > In the area of scholastic achievement, despite our best efforts, Georgie
    is still reading and speaking at a grade level far below our usual
    standards. At this point, we are not sure if his failure to learn is due to
    > laziness and a lack of ability to apply himself to his studies, or if he
    simply lacks the intellectual capacity to improve in these areas.
    >
    > His oral presentations to the class are particularly troubling; it is
    apparent that Georgie has not read the necessary materials, and he often
    simply fabricates facts to hide this shortcoming. In oral exams, he tends
    to repeat the same answers over and over, e.g. "The economy is good; jobs
    are on their way," indicating a profound failure to keep up with the
    Current Events portion of the curriculum.
    >
    > Georgie also tends to fabricate elaborate stories about himself - which,
    admittedly, can sometimes be very amusing. During a school celebration last
    May, he delighted his fellow students by coming to class in a little
    > "flight suit" (just like the grown-ups wear!), and had everyone in
    stitches with his story about the family dog having eaten his report card
    from military pre-school!
    >
    > On the whole, however, Georgie does not play well with other children.
    His "leadership" in the classroom continues to divide many students, one
    against the other. Other study groups, such as our French and
    German-language classes, are no longer willing to cooperate with Georgie's
    group, even though they have traditionally done so in the past.
    >
    > Your son also displays a lack of taking responsibility for his failings,
    and seems unable to appreciate the consequences of his actions. Although he
    was provided with the best textbooks on the subjects of the Economy, Job
    Creation, The Environment, et cetera, these books were damaged or
    completely destroyed within a matter of months. Georgie insists that he
    "inherited" these books in poor condition, despite all evidence to the
    contrary. (In fact, these same textbooks were previously used by one of our
    very best
    > students, who actually returned them in better condition than he found them!)
    >
    > During his first few weeks with us, Georgie quickly became part of a
    group of other "problem students." Despite warnings, he has consistently
    befriended children whom we consider to be "bad elements," such as Little
    Kenny Lay and a foreign-exchange student named Chalabi. Both of these
    youngsters have been
    > expelled from other schools due to their involvement in cheating other
    students out of their lunch money. We feel that these kinds of
    relationships can only lead to no good, and hope that you will advise your
    child accordingly.
    >
    > Georgie often displays aggressive behaviour in the schoolyard, and
    recently assaulted a student in another school district, completely
    unprovoked. When asked about this incident, Georgie insisted that the other
    child was armed and dangerous. When investigation into the matter proved
    otherwise, Georgie changed his story several times: he was just trying to
    "democratize" the other child, the other child's school was harboring>
    gang members, and so on. Quite frankly, his story on this topic has so
    changed from week to week, we
    > simply can't trust his word at all anymore.
    >
    > Georgie's friends, while not great in number, are very loyal, but tend to
    be over-protective. If any of the other students point out Georgie's
    failing grades, these friends simply shout them down and tell them not to
    speak at all. When Georgie was summoned to the principal's office several
    weeks ago, he insisted that his "best friend" come with him. We feel that
    it is in Georgie's best interest to learn to stand up for himself; failure
    to do so could seriously damage his ability to handle a leadership role in
    his adult years.
    >
    > As you are aware, final exams will be held in November, and Georgie's
    past performance leads us to conclude that he will not be able to achieve
    the grades necessary to continue on with another four-year term at our
    institution.
    >
    > Yours Truly,
    > Ms. J.Q. Public, Assistant Principal
     

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