The Old Forum

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussions' started by John Bear, Mar 21, 2004.

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  1. John Bear

    John Bear Senior Member

    When I was quite young, my father had one of the first computers in our neighbourhood. I remember the small grey box that said “Commodore Pet” on the front.

    One day, I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device was an amazing forum. It’s name was DegreeInfo, and there was nothing it did not know. DegreeInfo could tell you anything you wanted to know about higher education and degrees.

    My personal experience with this genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbour. I had just purchased a doctorate from a fake school. Deep inside, I knew I had done a very stupid thing, and the mental anguish was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy.

    I walked around the house lamenting my miserable credential, finally arriving at the stairway. The computer! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlour and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I laboriously was able to type in "www.degreeinfo.com." A click or two and the tiny screen flashed a reassuring, “Post New Thread.”

    "I have a worthless doctorate,” I typed, and now the the tears came readily enough now because I had an audience.

    "Didn’t your mother tell you not to do these things, Effen?" came the question.

    "Nobody's home but me," I blubbered.

    "Are you bleeding?" the voice asked.

    "Only from the heart," I replied. "I bought a useless doctorate, and it really hurts."

    "Can you reach the ice box?" the screen asked.

    I said I could.

    "Then take your credit cards and freeze them under the ice so you will never use them to buy a degree again.”.

    After that, I used "DegreeInfo" for everything. I was able to learn about people’s fake Union dissertations and how allegedly respectable gurus were really in prison, and what an evil person John Kerry was.

    Then there came a time when I really craved another doctorate. I contacted DegreeInfo and told it my sad story. “Why is it,” I blubbered, “that a shiny new Trinity diploma once made me so happy, only to end up as a useless piece of mouldy parchment on the bottom of my birdcage?

    DegreeInfo must have sensed my deep concern, for it said quietly, "Effen, always remember that there are always other schools to buy degrees from.”

    Somehow I felt better.

    Years passed. One day, for old times sake, I got out my Blackberry wireless PDA and called up my old friend the Internet. I asked for DegreeInfo.

    A different voice answered. "Are you a friend of DegreeInfo?" it asked?

    "It meant a lot to me," I answered.

    "I'm sorry to have to tell you this," it said. "DegreeInfo had not been well recently, and it died five weeks ago from a Denial of Service attack.”

    Before I could hang up it said, "Wait a minute, did you say your name was Effen?" "Yes." I answered.

    "Well, DegreeInfo left a message for you before it died. It wrote it down in case you called. Let me read it to you."

    The note said, "Tell him there are always other schools to buy degrees from. He'll know what I mean."

    I thanked her and hung up. I knew what DegreeInfo meant, and I laboriously typed a-l-t-.-e-d-u-c-a-t-I-o-n-.-d-I-s-t-a-n-c-e.

    Never underestimate the impression you may make on others.

    Who have you thoroughly annoyed today?
     
  2. AV8R

    AV8R Active Member

    The part about the evil John Kerry is my favorite part. :D
     
  3. decimon

    decimon Well-Known Member

    Uh-huh! And Ada Lovelace had an Apple II.
     
  4. uncle janko

    uncle janko member

    In awe. Period.
     

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