That's what I heard this morning on NBC's Today Show. Apparently it happened while he lived in Italy during high school. His former girlfriend mentioned this during an interview with Katie Couric. Roscoe
I heard this too. Until yesterday I thought he was innocent. Now, I am not so sure. Usually I believe the woman (Tyson, William Kennedy Smith, etc.) and did so initially here. I also think O.J. was guilty and think Teddy got away with murder.
This, of course, does not surprise me. Empirical studies have demonstrated that, while 92.4% of those who graduated from nontraditional programs such as Charter Oak, Edison, and Excelsior are admitted to the graduate schools of their choice, 38.4% of such graduates go on to become rapists. I have always theorized that the reason for these disparaging figures is that, although we use the sports-sounding term "Big Three" to describe these institutions, none of them have sports teams. Granted, Kobe may have studied by distance and ultimately become a distinguished basketball player, but perhaps the finely honed rape skills he learned while studying brought back a nostalgic longing for his nontraditional education days. Fortunately, things do get better. While the Big Three's bachelor's programs foster minimal, if any, contact among students, the best nontraditional graduate programs do have some residency requirements. Thus, there is an increasing popularity in forming "rape teams," in which the best rapists in each school can compete with their counterparts from other nontraditional programs. In fact, later this year, new ground will be broken when the rape team at Antioch's IMA program (made up primarily of men who rape women) competes against the newly formed rape team in Lesley University's nontraditional master's program (made up primarily of women who rape men and other women). Not only are the Lesley rapists expected to have an edge because Antioch men are perceived as wusses, Lesley's fine rape athletes are expected to take the newly renamed Kobe Cup because they have had so much experience at "multi-gender rapes." If anything, then, we can say that Kobe Bryant's arrest has brought the fine institution of nontraitional educational rape teams out of the closet. In fact, several nontraditional programs are already revising their policies on sexual harrassment to allow for the establishment of new rape teams, and some are even including budget allocations for team supplies such as K-Y and broom handles. One prominent program administrator in Minnesota was recently heard to comment, "Hell, if we knew that allowing sexual harrassment and rape would have bumped our enrollment statistics up so successfully, we would have allowed it years ago!" Surely, then, the story about Kobe will have even more people flocking to distance education in the future. _______________________ This is intended to be pure satire, and does not necessarily reflect the official rape position of any institution named herein. It is also intended to be blatantly callous and insensitive. Get over it.
A wheel has come off a truck somewhere. Some strange and obtuse connections, though it was an interesting ride, in a sort of disturbing, and voyeuristic way. The fine print is interesting. I love it when someone tells me to "get over it" after first shoving it in my face. p.s. Altogether not that interesting after a second read. Sorry. Keep trying though.
