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  1. #1
    H. Piper is offline member
    Join Date
    Feb 2001
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    Orlando, MA Canada
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    144

    Cool Little Red Riding Hood

    One day Papa Bear said to Little Red Riding Hood, “L’il Red, could you go out and get some porridge? I’ve been working hard all day, and could really use some help bringing in the day’s porridge.”

    L’il Red shouted enthusiastically, “Sure, Papa Bear! But since you are one of the foremost experts in the world on porridge, which brand should I get that will be both nutritious and delicious?”

    Papa Bear said, “Well, read the 12th edition of my bestseller Shopping For Porridge At A Distance, and I think you’ll know what to do.”

    So L’il Red studied Papa Bear’s book, and then went out shopping for porridge. So many brands of porridge to choose from: Union Porridge, Walden Porridge, Nova Porridge, and so on. Many of these brands were expensive, and required a lot of work to carry it all the way back home, because they were such substantive, quality porridges.

    As L’il Red was making, uh, her way through the marketplace, Danzy the local wolf spotted her looking around. He called out from the tree he was leaning against, “Hey, L’il Red! You need some porridge?” L’il Red looked around innocently and said, “Yeah! Papa Bear will help me put it away when I get home, but I’m going to have a really hard time carrying a full sack of porridge all the way there. Plus I would like to save some of this money I have...”

    Danzy smiled knowingly and said, “I can help you, Red. Actually, I’m looking to go into the porridge business. I’ve got some here I can sell you cheap, if you’ll help me out. So you say Papa Bear is working with you on your porridge purchase?”

    L’il Red took a look behind the tree Danzy leaned on and saw a small, dirty sack of porridge. Out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw some movement from inside the sack. “Gee, I don’t know about this, Danzy,” she said hesitating. “Maybe I should stick with one of the brand name porridges from our region, like Papa Bear got. How did you get Mexican porridge across the border?”

    Danzy was quick to respond, “Well, we tried to get some porridge from Belize first, but anyway - that’s a long story. The main thing is, Red, we’re gonna get you the porridge you need, and cheap. And to make it sweeter, I’m going to make you an essential part of my porridge business. You can moderate my chat room, add material to my web site, and other cool stuff like that.”

    L’il Red liked the thought of getting the porridge in trade for a little bit of work, which would save her time and money, and dollar signs were flashing in Danzy’s eyes as he thought of the coup he was pulling. Because L’il Red had the loyal friendship of Papa Bear, the world-renowned expert on porridge, the association would offer some legitimacy to his new porridge business (and given that he had been busted for mail fraud earlier, he needed legitimacy desperately to successfully sell porridge in the bustling marketplace).

    So L’il Red and Danzy consummated the deal, and Red immediately went to work talking about Danzy’s new porridge business on the Internet. But Red’s newsgroup posts caught the eye of Peter Panicoff, who was not only another porridge expert but also knew Danzy had been caught with rat-infested porridge before. So Peter started telling L'il Red that getting in bed with a wolf is not a good idea. But did Red listen? Nope. As L'il Red kept talking about Danzy’s porridge, Peter Panicoff kept shouting in response, “Danzy’s porridge has rats!”

    Meanwhile, in a bizarre conjunction of fairy tales (as if it weren’t already), yours truly the Pied Piper came strolling through the marketplace talking about how the town of Hamelin was selling rat-infested porridge as well. (And boy, are there a lot of rats – big ones – in Hamelin!) Maybe because L'il Red was feeling defensive about rat-infested porridge at the moment, she lashed out at the Piper emotionally and illogically (something she does on a regular basis when confronted with facts). Anyway, back to the main story…

    So L’il Red keeps talking about Danzy’s porridge, and Peter Panicoff keeps warning against it, but many of the intelligent, educated marketplace bystanders either look the other way or actually defend L’il Red and Danzy’s Mexican porridge, because they know L’il Red is a friend of Papa Bear’s, and Papa Bear is rarely fooled by substandard porridge.

    One day Danzy and her Mexican connection decided they had had enough of Peter Panicoff talking about their porridge, and so they filed suit against Peter. The lawsuit was so ridiculous and laughable that many of the bystanders who saw it said, “Wait a second. The Chairman of the Board of Danzy’s new business, the Mexican Institute for Porridge Sales (MIPS), can barely spell porridge. Maybe there is a rat in the sack after all…” Peter then discovers Danzy’s mail fraud history along with some other dirty little schemes, and suddenly most everyone realizes that Peter was right all along.

    But, God bless Papa Bear! Even though L’il Red made a huge mistake buying the rat-infested porridge from MIPS, Papa Bear continues to stand by his wayward friend, and even goes so far as to say that the porridge production from MIPS passes GAPP (Generally Accepted Porridge Practices).

    The End (?)

  2. #2
    Michael Smith is offline Registered User
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    Jun 2001
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    8

    Post

    Well put... Thanks!

  3. #3
    Gerstl is offline Registered User
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    Feb 2001
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    los angeles
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    ROFLOL

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