I am planning to kill myself because I can't find an internship

I am a 28 year old undergrad who returned to college last year to finish my Bachelor's degree. I am currently getting straight As in my classes, but unfortunately my cumulative GPA is horrible (2.6) because I received lousy grades in the past, including 4 F's. I am majoring in Anthropology and I am thinking about pursuing graduate studies in Bioarchaeology, Forensic Anthropology, or Environmental Archaeology. Last semester, I spoke to one of my professors and she told me that in order to get accepted into a graduate program with my GPA, I would have to get stellar GRE scores and letters of recommendation from employers or internship supervisors. I applied to three internships at museums for the fall semester and I got rejected from all of them due to my low GPA. I have been lying awake and crying all night wishing that I could go back in time and and change my past. I feel like I want to kill myself before the beginning of the upcoming semester, but my parents and my therapist advise me against the idea of committing suicide. I feel like my life is basically over and my low GPA would prevent me from ever landing an internship or getting into a graduate program. Is killing myself worth it and how should I go about killing myself without getting hurt?

 

First, good for you for getting therapy. This is a positive way to deal with stresses and other things.

As for your GPA, have you retaken the courses? If not, retaking them and getting a passing grade might give you a good argument to have them removed when calculating your GPA. You may wish to speak to your university about this. Worst case scenario is you see about starting over at a different university.

As for the internship, consider smaller, lesser known, museums. I enjoy visiting museums and have been to many that are run by unpaid volunteers. It's hard to imagine they would turn down an intern. Maybe its not your first choice but proving yourself at a smaller museum might open up opportunities later at a larger, better known museum.

Finally, take a GRE prep course to ensure your best possible performance.

For a little background and perspective of my opinion, my undergraduate GPA wasn't stellar, just under 3.0 (2.85 I think but it's been a long time). I did undergraduate research on campus for the experience and references, took a GRE prep course, and was conditionally accepted into graduate school. Conditional in my case meant I had a one year probation during which I better not blow it. I finished with an MS in chemistry and have been employed since.

I wish you all the best.

 

Hmm, killing yourself without getting hurt? That would be quite a feat. You must mean killing yourself without feeling any pain. I am not sure if you are yanking our chain with this post, but I will assume that you are being honest and straightforward.

As someone many years your elder, I can tell you that life is full of mistakes and regrets. You just have to forgive yourself, adjust and move on. Many people, including myself, didn't put enough effort into their undergraduate degree and have ended up with a low undergrad GPA. Everything if fixable, it just might take longer to get where you want to go. I personally have earned 3 graduate degrees, all with top honors, since my poor showing in my undergrad degree. You can do that too, it just depends on how hard you are willing to work.

You are going on what just one prof says about your chances and she is not all-knowing. It wouldn't hurt to go ahead and apply to the schools you are interested in with a letter explaining your poor performance and current stellar performance. If that doesn't work, another thing you could do is earn a master's degree from one of the good online schools. Many will accept a student despite low grades. You could continue making your straight A's and that would prove that you are a great student. You could then apply, and probably be accepted, at any other school.

If you are seriously considering suicide, don't. You would not be just wasting your life that is precious in the site of the Maker, you would be ruining the lives of all who care about you. If you would like to talk privately about this, click on my username and then click "Private Message."


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First off, don't kill yourself. That's not going to help anybody. Continue seeking help and do your best to fight whatever it is you're going through.

Keep getting A's. It will show that you're serious and you learned from your previous mistakes (F's). Turn that in to a positive when interviewing. My GPA was a 2.39 or something, so I know what it's like to have a low GPA. You just have to be confident at interviews and show them that you are no longer the person who got that low GPA.

Stay strong. You'll get through this and you'll be happy you did.

 

If this is a serious post, I'm assuming that you've already been diagnosed since you're already seeing a therapist. You need to focus on getting better before you can move on. Your low GPA is not the real reason you want to kill yourself. There is some underlying disorder that is causing you to think this way. If you don't get better before you start graduate school, you could end up with low grades again. Most graduate programs will require you to maintain a 3.0 GPA and will drop you if you earn a couple of Cs.

My overall undergraduate GPA was low even though I made straight As on the last 40-something credits I took. I got into a graduate program based on the last 60 credit hours. I don't know about the archaeology and anthropology fields, but there are many graduate programs that only look at the last 60 credit hours. I finished my master's program with a 3.8 GPA and got into a PhD program. I will even be starting as a research assistant this fall. You might want to expand your search to biological and physical anthropology.

 

menameta,

Before anything else, I want to share a few places to which you might reach out to talk about the possibility of suicide. MANY of my friends have reached out to people like these over the years. Every one – MANY people, this is so common, you're not alone – was glad that they reached out in this way or another.

mena, feel free to Private Message me also.

Samaritans
"People talk to us anytime they like, in their own way, and off the record - about whatever’s getting to them." Phone, email, and mail lines are open. Based in the UK and Republic of Ireland. Taking calls and messages from the world.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Lifeline Crisis Chat
800 number in the US.
US Local/Regional Crisis Center Locator

CASP: Crisis Centres Across Canada

Befrienders Worldwide
Maintains a directory of similar services worldwide.

 

Hummmmmmmmmmmmm

 

menameta,

First, a little bit more about the consideration of suicide. With your background in anthropology and archaeology, I know that respect – deeply – majestic things that stand the test of time.

Well, as a human being, YOU are a majestic thing that's stood the test of time too.

Specifically important here, you're in possession of instincts for survival, and protections against death, that have developed over millions of years. On the news we see people killing each other every day, and killing themselves periodically – but this isn't a reflection of normal human existence, it's exceptional. That's why it's news. Almost all, possibly all means of attempting suicide leave a high chance of surviving with serious injuries. Especially if we're not talking about hypothetical scenarios but about the real world where, for human or mechanical reasons, things often don't go as planned – especially when a person is alone, under so much stress, and against such strong, such fiercely strong, survival instincts and protections.

Now, good news. You are not alone in the project of recovering from low grades in the past. You have so many options, including:

• a comeback in place with additional undergraduate work

• drilling down hard on GRE prep

• taking a less selective related master's first as a stepping stone, e.g. in liberal arts, history, or education, perhaps by distance or short residency

• casting a wider net for museums, archeological projects, university-based research projects, etc. with which to volunteer, intern, or work entry-level to get a foot in the door

And, academically,

You're doing everything right!

By reaching out to your family, and therapist, and beyond, you're also doing the right things in terms of taking care of yourself more broadly.

There will be more work ahead on both fronts, it's true. You can do it. You will.

 

In the first paragraph, of course, a typo: I know that you respect – deeply – majestic things that stand the test of time.

 

I don't know if this helps but does your college have a 'fresh start' policy ?
It's something like, if you been away from college for a number of years and you're going back to finish a degree, they might wipe your old GPA clean.
Here's an example I found from U Mass.

Fresh Start | Office of the University Registrar

You could check with your current college if they have some sort of policy to help with your grades.

 

I think Jonathan and Surfdoctor have given great advice in regards to the threat of suicide. Just dont, far better to face a lifetime of demons than to cut your life short. Fight the good fight, finish the race...

As to the ridiculous notion that you will never find a decent grad program with a "low" GPA...well, that's just bullshit. The US and the world are full of promising schools that will offer you a "second' chance in light of your new found commitment. Since this board thrives on dispensing this sort of knowledge I will share my favorite program that should be right up your alley...your 2.6 GPA won't matter a bit, no GRE or GMAT, and you will end up with (probably) a more prestigious institution on your resume than that idiot professor of yours. The Extension School at Harvard University has a challenging Master's in Museum Studies that I argue would really set you apart from the crowd. Museum Studies Graduate Program | Online & On-Campus | Harvard on top of that it's likely as cheap a program as you will find and moving to Cambridge/Boston is optional. Program admission is based solely on your ability to perform the work...pick three classes, pay the $2000 or so each, do well, and your in the program, add 7 more classes and your Master's is done. I suspect the Harvard brand will serve you well and open doors.

Good luck, I'll say a prayer for you, you really are in the drivers seat regarding your education and it sounds to me like your doing all the right things now.

Best,
Mike

 

In addition to the excellent advice already provided here, I will add the following program:

Distance Learning in Archaeology and Ancient History — University of Leicester

I would give them a call and see if something can be negotiated. Perhaps they would just allow you to take a "bridge course" or two (their terminology) to show that you can handle graduate level work.

Best of luck to you.

 

Post Haste

The IP should be run to determine what city or county the suicidal threat came from – and then it should be provided to that jurisdiction's state police for investigative follow-up.

 

That's an option. We hear about cases where someone comes to the Internet with a concrete, imminent intention to attempt suicide, and someone rushes their IP address to the police and they are rescued and glad for the rescue.

However, we should remember that from the information the OP gives us, that isn't what's happening here. Our poster has discussed the possibility of suicide with their parents and their therapist already. Talking about suicide as a possibility does not mean that that you're at imminent risk of attempting. My personal, subjective sense is that reaching out to the unofficial academic advisors here is another part of that longer-term conversation, where suicide is an abstract possibility – but continuing the academic comeback is a very real possibility, and that's where we come in and that's why menameta came to us.

menameta, next time you see this thread, please post to let us know you're still there. And let's keep talking.

 

I wish you all the best and pray to god to bless you a sane mind in your next birth.

 

I am sorry that sounded rude and cynic, but have you considered the career options before selecting a major?

It's never too late to reboot your career. I ran my own business and burnt my hands (and others), and at the age of 30, I started my career in IT at the junior most level. I once even had a manager who was 5 years junior to me (in school). But life moves on, and killing it is not worth it. There is lots of fun awaiting you ahead.

 

Menameta, there's also good advice on on sciencechatforum.com. Like everybody says, one way or another, you can work around this past GPA.

 

Yes, I am seriously considering committing suicide because anthropology is the only field I am passionate about and it is impossible to even get considered for an anthropology-related internship without at least a 3.2 overall GPA. I live in NYC. I applied for fall internships at the New York Historical Society, the National Museum of the American Indian, and the Museum of Jewish Heritage. I got rejected from all internships due to a non-competitive GPA. I am also thinking about applying for internships at nonprofits dealing with environmental and public health policy, but I probably won't even get an interview with my 2.6 GPA. I am planning to jump off the bridge before the semester starts.

 

Okay, let's step back further.

In March the user "menameta" or "menameta1" posted about being an anthropology student suicidally depressed about a low GPA on sciencechatforum.com, thephora.net, and caloriecount.about.com of all places. In April the user "menameta," "menameta1," or "menagirl1" – though in at least one other place the mena handle is identified as male – posted about being an anthropology student planning to kill themselves the next day on Anthroscape, forumbiodiversity.com, and debatepolitics.com.

mena, if you're just making things up and trolling geeky webboards with fake suicide threats or suicidal ideation… good luck with that not being found out someday somehow and landing you in trouble.

If you're a real person who really has this background and is really considering suicide, and this is how you're reaching out to try to find support, there are some problems with this approach. You should try different approaches to finding support. We can talk about that, if you stay with this thread, though past history suggests you may just move on to other boards.