Humor - Totally Off-Topic

Discussion in 'General Distance Learning Discussions' started by Bruce, Mar 22, 2001.

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  1. Bruce

    Bruce Moderator

    A new two-year degree is being offered at the University that many of you should be interested in: Becoming a Real Man. That's right, in just six trimesters, you, too, can be a real man-as well as earn an MA degree (Male Arts).


    Please take a moment to look over the program outline.

    FIRST YEAR
    Autumn Schedule:
    MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
    MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
    MEN 103 PMS - Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
    MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Under things for Christmas

    Winter Schedule:
    MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
    MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4:00 AM.
    MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
    EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
    EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
    ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers

    Spring Schedule:
    MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a 'Butt Face' When You're Wrong
    MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
    MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex
    MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers
    ECON 001C What Was Yours is Hers

    SECOND YEAR
    Autumn Schedule:
    SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep without It
    SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
    SEX 103 How to Stay Awake After Sex
    MEN 201 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down
    Elective (See Electives Below)

    Winter Schedule:
    MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
    MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
    MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
    MEN 213 Honest, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise
    MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 1

    Spring Schedule:
    MEN 220 Omitting '%&*!' from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
    MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
    MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions
    MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
    MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 2

    Course Electives:
    EAT 101 Cooking with Tofu
    EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils
    EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discreetly
    MEN 231 Mothers-in-law
    MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening
    MEN 233 Just Say "Yes, Dear"
    ECON 001C Cheaper to Keep Her

    Bruce
     
  2. samc79

    samc79 New Member

    I was wondering if Aardvaark University offered this course [​IMG]

    ------------------
    Sam C
    http://www.uci.edu
    UCI 2002
     
  3. Scott W. Metcalf

    Scott W. Metcalf New Member

    this will undoubtedly become a course of study found at most respectable institutions of higher learning here and abroad. Isn't it true that Earlscroft University, that paragon of purity, is offering a B.S. in that topic? [​IMG]

    Scott
    too good for Earlscroft
     
  4. Gus Sainz

    Gus Sainz New Member

    From theonion.com.............

    18 April 2001

    The Onion AcademiCorner presents:

    The college years are a pivotal time in a person's life, not to mention a major financial investment. Here are some tips to help you choose the right school:

    You can never go wrong choosing a college you saw advertised on public transportation.

    There are many fine single-sex colleges where the emphasis is squarely on academics. Attend one of these only if you are a homosexual.

    Examine the school's official crest. If it has a big pot leaf in the center, you are on the right track.

    Find a college that will nurture your talents. For example, if you have an aptitude for dressing up in drag, penning witty quatrains, and awarding celebrities prizes as a way to draw attention to yourself, you may want to consider Harvard.

    If you fail to get accepted at a good school, you have brought shame upon not only yourself, but also your entire family. Committing ritual seppuku is the only way to save face.

    Schools that boast about their outstanding academic reputation are probably insecure about their inadequacies in other areas.

    The Armed Forces Scholarship Program is a great way to earn a considerable amount of money toward college, but it has a small "joining the goddamn army" downside.

    When consulting Playboy's annual party-school rankings, be sure to look closely at the students-per-hot-tub ratio.

    Be wary of colleges where the chair of the history department keeps using the phrase "olden times."

    If you are having a hard time deciding between Princeton and Yale, cry me
    a f---king river, Fauntleroy.

    Avoid colleges where the previous year's commencement speaker was Burt Ward.

    College? Aw, man, what are you thinking about college for? You're the best metal guitarist in Winneshiek County.
     

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